Think Possible Podcast Transcripts

Host: Welcome to the Gaylord Specialty Healthcare podcast. This podcast will feature patients, families, and medical professionals dealing with serious illnesses or injuries and is meant to inspire and bring hope, insight, and a message of belief that life after a traumatic illness is possible.

Host: Welcome back, everyone, to our Gaylord Specialty Healthcare podcast featuring our Think First series. I am Megan Palmer, I will be your host today, and we are interviewing a new person Mr. Mike Krysiuk, who is a survivor of a traumatic brain injury after a car accident when he was a teen. He is here today to tell us his story and to share a little insight on maybe how teens can prevent this from happening to them in the future. So, Mike, welcome to the show. Thank you so much for joining us today.

Guest: I'm glad to be aboard. Great! Thank you for giving the opportunity, giving me the opportunity to reach out and reach the young people.

Host: Yes, we are very happy to have you, and we want to know, first and foremost, what brought you here, why, and what happened to you in the past that led to this traumatic accident.

Guest: I was first in Norwalk Hospital. That first night my parents had to find a rehab hospital for my rehabilitation because of the accident I was in…Well, let me start, I was in a very bad car accident. My friend and I were coming down route 123 in New Canaan, Connecticut, which is on the way, going to Vista, New York. We just came from Vista, New York, and we bought beer. We were with our friends…and my friends were in a blue station wagon behind us. I was with my friend in his Triumph GT6, a small two-seater hardtop that was pumped up for speed. He was going over…My friend and I were the tall ones, and we walked in, bought the beer, we each took a six-pack, and that night… I didn't have anything to drink that night, but I just wanted. I went along with the crowd to be part of the crowd, being a popular crowd, and I just, it just and we headed out, and my friend goes, we gotta get you home fast.

So, he patches out of the parking lot, heading home down 123, and I looked across at the dial [and it is ] going between 90 and 100 miles an hour. So, we're going 100 miles an hour. He tried to downshift his gears and hit the gears and hit the brakes when we were going into a skid, skid across the street like nobody was coming in a big pile of dirt and a black shadow.

On my side, we hit the pile of dirt. My side was in the black shadow. The black shadow was a bulldozer. They don't move. Where the headlight hit the bulldozer on the driver's side, where these are on the passenger side door was all pushed in, the engine came through the engine wall at the bottom of my seat. If I didn't put my legs on the dashboard and braced myself, I would have lost both legs at the sockets. The doctor said I would have been cut in half. And uh, just be part of the crowd would go along with the boys. And uh, I was, I used this as a term. I was walking in my friend's shadows, being part of the crowd. I got lost in the shadows and nearly lost my life.

I was - everything was coming for me, my baseball, everything was going for me in high school. I was getting my grades back. I was gonna graduate. Everything was going. I was going in the next day to hand in a paper to my teacher for economics, which I've been working on. I fell behind in the class because of my fooling around, my floundering around with my friends, and I was going to hand in the paper the next day. The next day I was in the hospital, in a coma for six weeks.

Host: So, this was your senior year of high school?

Guest: Yes.

Host: You were literally about to graduate.

Guest: Yes. I was supposed to have a big time…

Host: And then you were immediately in a coma for six weeks. You're, were you on the bridge of life and death? Did your parents think that you were going to make it?

Guest: Well, let me put it this way. The emergency room doctor is your last angel of hope, as they say in the hospital. That night he told my dad to be prepared. He's not gonna make it, meaning me.

Host: What a traumatic, scary message to be given about, you know, as you're looking at your child, just laying there helpless.

Guest: Well, I had my mirror. I felt like my face exploded. It all healed. No plastic surgery or anything. The mirror hit me on top of the forehead, crossed like this between my eyes, came across my cheek, and cut my left ear in three pieces. They just put it together that night.

Host: Now, when you were in the coma, did you have any kind of visions or dreams or anything that you remember from that six weeks of being under?

Guest: I was like on a field of green grass, and the sun was behind me because there was no sun in front of me, but it was brightly lit all over. There was sunshine behind me, but there was no shadow on the ground in front of me. I couldn't figure that out. I just, I was just running. Just kept running and running and running, and I was passing different parts of my life. I was going to dances. I was in school, I was playing sports games, and I had my first kiss. That got me really confused.

Host: You saw that when you were in your coma?

Guest: Yes. Your mind plays tricks on you, and my mind a lot of tricks on you. But I just kept going. And I heard this this this this phrase, and it was God to shoot for the sun and everything you do because if you miss you'll land among the stars, and that is a great place to be right now. I'm dancing in the stars. That's why every day, I shoot for the sun. I'm not gonna stop.

Host: What a message. And so, when you finally awoke from the coma, was that your first memory, or did you know what happened to you? Or did someone have to explain it?

Guest: I thought it was. I thought it was like an hour later, half an hour, an hour, half an hour later. Because in a coma, you have no sense of time. I didn't know what was going on. All I could do was roll my eyeballs. I couldn't even scratch my nose. I was a quadriplegic, which means you can't do everything. And it just came back. Like my dad would come into my hospital room every day and pop the bottom [of my foot] with his thumb because I knew I was very ticklish before the accident. When he popped it, it went into a muscle spasm.

That means I had my life back, but it was a painful recovery. But it was a happy pain if you can get happiness from pain. I was feeling the pain and was happy because, I mean, I had life in my body back.

Host: You were able to move, and then you were you also had a traumatic brain injury. So there is some bleeding on the brain from the accident as well?

Guest: I don't [know] if it was bleeding, but it was like a brain fracture like that. Give you a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 meaning worse. They gave me a 15 because…I was bleeding, and it was like I had a trach from breathing.

Host: Yeah

Guest: That's right. And also, my head was swelled out on the left side. Came across here and ended up in my ear and three pieces. [My head swelled] out like this. They had to relieve the pressure on the brain. Because if they didn't, when the pressure went down, my brain would have come out of my ears. Had a dig to burr holes in my skull. It all healed. No plates or anything. So, I can go through the metal detectors. No, no, no.

And I'm happy I'm able to talk about this and tell people and tell people about this.

Host: Right, and then once you were medically stable, they transferred you to Gaylord Hospital. Gaylord Specialty Healthcare for rehab?

Guest: Yes. They checked around, there were some other hospitals, and Gaylord was the best. If I went to a state hospital… I'd still be in there. I would still be in the state hospital if I had gone there.

Host: What was your rehab like at Gaylord?

Guest: It was great. Right from day one, the first time I went down [to] therapy, the first thing I had to do was I had to get up out of the wheelchair, [amd] sit on the mat. That was my first exercise. That's how bad I was. And if you check those parallel bars, if they're still there, my fingerprints are probably still there. I grabbed those parallel bars. I wait…and hold on. So, I wouldn't fall down when I first held on. They're probably still there. Probably [in]the dust. And those are my prints.

Host: Your fingerprints on the parallel bars. I love it!

Guest: I'm leaving my autograph.

Host: How many years ago was that now?

Guest: 1974

Host:  We won't tell them your age at this point. But you are a living miracle for sure. Having gone through that and literally been lifeless and come back to life and lived a full whole life so far. You seem to be doing a lot with yourself to try to promote that message of, you know, of shooting for the sun. I'd love to know, you know, did any of those big crowd friends that you were talking about that you were sort of pressured to hang with. Did they come to visit you in the hospital?

Guest: They came and visited me when I came home and stuff there. I can understand [but] at the time, I couldn't understand. They really didn't know what to say to me and my other…how I was before. Like they see me, I'm in a wheelchair. Hey, Mike. How are you doing? You know, they didn't want, they felt very awkward asking me questions. They were afraid to put me back into shock.

Host: Did anyone else in the car besides you get hurt that day?

Guest: There were only two people in the car. Ted, the driver, and I was in the passenger's side. Ted, he somehow was able to turn himself over. He was sitting on the roof of the car when he turned himself around, and he passed out, and you know, he was in the hospital two weeks after the accident. He recovered.

Host: You know, they always say traumatic brain injury, symptoms sort of last your whole life. What things are you still struggling with now? Even after you relearned how to walk and talk and take care of yourself at Gaylord. What things are still troublesome at this point?

Guest: Well, I can't run. I can't rob a bank. I can't run. But I've taken tap dance lessons years ago to get coordination in my life. I'm no Fred Astaire or Gene Kelly, but something I say. I put it at one mark. I did. I did it.

Host: Were you able to hold a job afterward? Did you have memory impairments and stuff like that?

Guest: Not really. My memory is good. Like I went, I have two degrees, an electrical engineering degree. I got from [can't understand the words]…tech when it was open, and I, my accounting, my bachelor's degree in accounting. And I also, I'm a certified tax collector for the state of Connecticut.

Host: Oh, wow. Then you know how to do math, that's for sure.

Guest: I just retired from the town of Westport. I've worked there in the tax department for 25 years.

Host: And how are you living out the message or that vision that you recall in your coma?

Guest: I'm telling you. I feel like I was putting it on purpose to get my message out about the people and kids...I don't want them to fall into the same thing I felt. Because I found out that over 98% of the people who had what I had when I was in the hospital, the severity of the accident, their next step was to the graveyard. So less than 2% recovery.

So, I'm here for a purpose. Maybe it is just to tell people that I'm happy just to make an example. Just showing that there's a light at the end of the tunnel, not to give up, not to fall into other people's shadows, not to be a tagalong, but be a leader. Don't be a loner, but you can be a leader and not be alone.

Be a leader in that you're not afraid to stand up for what you believe in, believe in it, and you never know. Somebody may say, hey, I felt like that; hey, why don't we…You know…

Host: And what's your message to those young teens who are out there in that in crowd? And don't know how to get out? You know you said you were kind of influenced by the friends that you were hanging out with.

Guest: Well, let me think about that. You don't want to say well, they're not really friends. They just don't want to follow. You have to stand up and stand up for what you believe in, not show them that you won't be tough, [but] don't be forcible…you know. I had to learn how to talk to people and get my point across [by] looking in them in the eye and then talk about looking right in your eyes, and you know what you're talking about and you say, I'm not kidding! You [got to] understand this now. I'm not coming. (Hard to understand the last sentence or two.)

Host: Well, if you've lived it, you've been there, you've done that. You've got one of the worst parts of, you know, the consequences of what happened to you, and then, you know, afterward, you're a survivor, right? You've surmounted the most challenging of challenges of life is relearning how to live. And once you did that now, did you end up getting married? Do you have any children?

Guest: Yes. Okay. Well, I went to college [and have] two degrees -accounting and [I am] a certified tax collector. I'm retired, so I'm not chasing anybody for taxes. I'm married. I was married once. I'm divorced from my first wife, but I have two daughters and three grandchildren, two grandsons and one granddaughter. I'm remarried again to my best friend, Laurie, and she's my best friend. We were great together, and I just keep… I've done standup comedy. I went to New York to do standup comedy. I recorded an audiobook. My book is in audio now. "The Big One," right here.

Host: Tell us about being an author of that book as well.

Guest: Yeah. And my co-author, Julia Bobkoff…she pulled me out of the woods. I was, I was lost out there. She put me on the right path, and we wrote the right story to get the right message across. I did the audiobook, which was a big, big, big plus. I have like 10 stars next to it because that is me talking and me reading the whole book. I did everything, all chapters, and everything. When I got in the accident, I couldn't make a sound. All I could do was cry, and that was it. I couldn't make a noise… I cried, that's about it, that's how bad it was.

And then, I wrote the songs for the book. I have two songs up, everyone. It's called "Dust," and one is called "Change my Style." Dust is at the beginning of the audiobook, and Change my Style is at the end of the audiobook, which is not the audiobook, but it's on my website at www.shootforthesun.com. I had it done professionally. Dust, Change my Style, and I wrote one, "The Big One," which is my theme song to show him that I'm gonna tell everybody I'm back... I'm not going to go. I have something to do. So, I'm gonna live my life. I'm going to enjoy it!

Host: I love that. And then how did you come up with the title of "The Big One"?

Guest: Well, that was my nickname, [from] my cousins a long time. I was always tall. I am six feet four. I was always the big one. I stood in the back out of every elementary school picture. You know the big kids stand in the back? I was in the back of everyone...just in the back of the line.

Host: I was thinking like the big one, like the one accident, you know, that changed your life. But you actually were nicknamed the big one. So, when did this book come out? Last year?

Guest: Last year.

Host: Last year, and you've had good success with it?

Guest: Yes, yes.

Host: We certainly wanted to promote that out to our listeners, too, so that they can check it out. "The Big One," right, by Mike Krysuik.

Guest: Yeah, it's on Audible. Also, you can get it on Audible here, the music, and you go to their website here. Yeah, I played the guitar, and I've been playing the guitar in some songs. We have done my website, and it's just the play..."I don't see my Shadow," which was performed here locally in Westport, a gentleman played me as a teenager, and he did a great job.

Host: That's very cool.

Guest: That is also on my website.

Host: So, you've been singing, songwriting, acting, writing stories. You've definitely shot for the sun after what happened to you. It's pretty amazing stuff, Mike!

Guest: You know, acting, and I have been acting in TV, and I was in the movie as in Revolutionary Road with Leonardo DiCaprio that was shot here in Connecticut. I had a bit part…

Host: That's very cool. I wish I had known you before that I would have had you say hi to him for me. Do you think you would have come this far without Gaylord pushing you way back in the day?

Guest: No, I wouldn't. I would not be here without Gaylord. 

Host: Do you think that rehab was the key to getting you back on your feet? The push that you really needed?

Guest: They pushed me. They had me, I wanted to push, but they kept the fire burning in me to go for… because I saw the light in the tunnel, and they helped me get to that end of the tunnel, and I was, and I felt great. I went fishing at Gaylord, freshwater fishing in a little pond. I went, I went to the movies.

Host: While you were a patient?

Guest: At Gaylord, at Gaylord. It was a field trip, and it was great because, like, surely, I can get back and live life again. You know, I worked extra hard to get rid of that wheelchair and canes.

Host: And did you end up going to our Traurig house while you were here? The transitional living facility?

Guest: No, I didn't. No, no.

Host: You went straight from here? Did you go home after?

Guest: Yes, straight home.

Host: How many months or how long were you here for recovery?

Guest: Three months. [can't understand the next few sentences in this section]…Hey, where I came from, it's a plus. That's a plus. Yeah. Like they say, are you still handicapped? Yeah, I still play golf!

Host: I was going to ask if you kept sports up? That's awesome. Well, do you have any last messages that you want to give our team listeners or parent-listeners or anyone who's actually going through a loved one that has a traumatic injury right now?

Guest: Okay, well, I wanna tell you…faith is very, very powerful. You have faith. You can't shoot that down. That's a very powerful force, faith. I just want to tell people, don't walk into other people's shadows to be part of the crowd and be part of anything because I did that, and I got lost in the shadows and almost lost my life. Like I said before…shoot for the sun [in] everything you do because even if you miss, you'll land among the stars, which is a great place to be!

Guest:  It sounds like you are very happy in your life right now, Mike. So, thank you so much for coming on to our podcast today and for sharing your story. Mike Krysiuk, author of "The Big One." Everyone needs to check that out. Um, and the survivor of a traumatic accident who's living his life beautifully today, preaching his message of shooting for the sun.

Host: And also, the movie There's a screenplay out there, and it's being looked at right now.

Host: And hopefully, yes, very soon in the future, we'll get to actually watch the movie of "The Big One," not the accident. The six-foot-four tall guy that stars in it, correct?

Guest: Yes, yes.

Host: I love it. All right, Mike. Thank you again for coming on, and we hope to speak with you again in the future after your big movie reveal.

Guest: Definitely. I'll be, I'll be right on the board. You're on the list. 

Host: Thanks so much. Mike.

Guest: Thank you.

Host: Thank you for tuning into the Gaylord Specialty Healthcare podcast. We hope that you will join us again to hear more stories that bring hope, insight, and a message of belief that life after a traumatic injury or illness is possible.

Host: Welcome to the Gaylord Specialty Healthcare Podcast. This podcast will feature patients, families, and medical professionals dealing with serious illnesses or injuries and is meant to inspire, bring hope, insight, and a message of belief that life after a traumatic illness is possible.
 
I am your host, Megan Palmer, an occupational therapist at Gaylord and the ThinkFirst program coordinator. The ThinkFirst Association is a nationwide organization devoted to preventing brain and spinal cord injury among our youth and spreading awareness of the consequences of risky behavior. Our first several episodes will feature the ThinkFirst program where we will talk with former patients, physicians, and family members who have been directly affected by traumatic brain and spinal cord injuries. 

So whether you're listening in as a former or current patient, you're a mom, a dad or a family member of someone with a brain or spinal cord injury or you're exploring career options in the health field. This special series will highlight those split-second decisions that can alter or change a life forever. 

Host: Hartford Current January 2nd, 2008. Headline: “Crash wrong way on I-84.” "Five people were severely hurt when a 20-year-old Cheshire man driving the wrong way on I-84 early New Year's day slammed head-on into a car and then crashed into a second one. Police said investigators could not say how Ryan Tapp ended up driving eastbound in the westbound lanes because he was so badly injured they couldn't question him." 

Today folks, we have Ryan Tapp here with us today to tell his story of how drunk driving and traumatic brain injury have impacted his life. Hi Ryan, welcome to the show. 

Guest: Hi, thank you for having me. 

Host: Thank you for coming today! We are so excited because you are a miracle first of all. You have been through a traumatic accident and have come out probably a better person than you were before the accident. Would you agree? 

Guest: Without a doubt. 

Host: Why don't you tell our listeners a little bit about your story? What happened to you? 

Guest: Well, on New Year's Eve of 2007 and going into 2008, I was doing what any 20-year-old does at that time. We were having a party, we were drinking, we were drinking heavily. I was at Central Connecticut State University celebrating with a bunch of friends and it was a bigger celebration just because I was a month away from deploying with my Marine Corps unit to Iraq. So we are going hardcore, I guess you could say in it was probably one of the best nights of drinking I've ever had, and for some reason around 3 a.m. I don't remember any of this. I don't know anything about how or why I even left, but I decided to get into my car and get on the highway and I from what I read from the police report, I got on the highway going the right way but around exit 32 on I-84 I ended up just doing a U-turn and going the wrong way for a couple of miles before I smashed into one car that sent me rolling on top of another. 

Host: And you don't recall any of that?

Guest: I have no idea. I don't recall any of it. There's no recollection. And with my injury, I don't even remember two months before the accident. 

Host: Now you were in a coma?

Guest: I was in a coma for three weeks, two weeks of my own, and then a week of medical [coma] to help me heal and then bring my brain back down. It was swelled up so much they had to drill a hole into it. And the doctors, the first things they told my parents were they don't know if I'm even going to make it the night. 

Host: That call, I can't imagine your poor parents listening to that phone ring and having to respond to their child, you know, grasping onto life for the night. 

Guest: Yes, it's been 13 years since the accident. And they still bring it up quite a bit. And it still gets them almost into tears every single time they talk about it because they literally almost lost me. 

Host: I can only imagine that pain now after Hartford after coming out of the medical coma. Where did your rehab go from there? How are you back to where you are today? 

Guest: Well after the month, I was at Hartford and then I went to Gaylord Hospital where I had to learn how to basically be born again. I was 20 at the time and I was an infant. I couldn't even hold my head up. I couldn't talk I couldn't do anything. I was just lying there unable to move and Gaylord taught me everything. From the first thing I started doing was giving a thumbs up. Two of my physical therapists and occupational therapists were helping me just hold my head up and if you could see the video of just how I looked it was just it was hard. I couldn't do anything and I was trying, and I couldn't even figure it out how to do it. They had to really do it for me. So I could relearn to make the connections in my brain and really relearn how to do it all. 

Host: Now do you remember that part of your rehab or is that sort of from the videos and pictures you've seen? 

Guest: I do not remember most of Gaylord. I only remember probably the last week or two there before I was discharged And most of it's hard to tell if what I remember are the videos that have been recorded of me or if it's actual memories.

Host: Right, and how long were you at Gaylord? 

Guest: A little less than a month wow that is a fast recovery for the state and condition that you were in. I got to say I owe this all to my parents. They literally were there every day during therapy and at night they would really hammer it down and put me through it all again. Just to help expedite the healing and try to get me back to some condition. 

Host: Now you went home independent or no? 

Guest: No, no, I was I was sent home. They sent me home because my mother was a nurse and I think they just trusted her and her instincts and her job title of being the commander in the navy as a nurse in the navy that she would be able to take care of me. 

Host: Were you walking when you were able to go home? 

Guest: Yes, I left the hospital actually running. 

Host: Oh!

Guest: I know. I know. It's kind of, I still remember, I do remember some of those videos of just me running through the hallways doing some stuff. Just some exercises with, Pete, my physical therapist. 

Host: Oh yes. He is quite memorable too. Now when you got home did your therapy stop?

Guest: I started doing outpatient therapy where I actually did that for about eight more months. 

Host: And then by that time do you feel like your therapy was done or you were still living with some impairments from the traumatic brain injury?

Guest: I'm still living with some impairments from the traumatic brain injury. It's a never-ending battle. It's kind of like a puzzle piece with a missing piece. It just never goes back to the way it was. 

Host: So, you're always a little different. 

Guest: Always a little different. What it used to be, it's hard to tell because I've lost a lot, but I've gained so much more just because I no longer drink, I no longer do anything reckless like that. I have a family and now knowing now having a son, I can't imagine putting my parents through what I put them through. 

Host: Well, you see through a different set of eyes now, right? Your perspective and insight on parenthood and growing up and having someone else to take care of besides yourself is a whole different world. What is as far as what you're living with today, what are the impairments that you still struggle with

Guest: The most right now is just memory is the big thing. It's a, when I'm tired you could see it, it takes me just a lot longer to pull it up. It's a kind of like, my brain is in a fog a lot, like it's always on the tip of my tongue, but it just takes me a lot longer to pull it to where I needed to speak it out. 

Host: Got it. Any physical impairments? 

Guest: No, physically, I'm actually in good shape, I've worked very hard. My dad threw me right into the gym when I got home from the hospital and I've been going since then and I feel like if I stop, it may go back. But other than that I just have some nerve damage in my shoulder. That makes one arm go a little bit higher. But physically I'm pretty good.

Host: And no broken bones from the accident way back? 

Guest: That's a godsend. There are no broken bones. Uh, the only cut I had was from my seat belt, which, thank God, I remembered to put that one on.

Host: Wow!

Guest: Yeah, it's hard too. I have a feeling most of the no broken bones were because I was that drunk that I didn't tense up at all when I got into the accident. 

Host: Gotcha. And your head injury was from hitting the windshield or the steering wheel? Do you know?

Guest: From what I was told from what the doctor said, they said my brain was kind of like a lottery ball. So like before a lottery ball is picked they're just bouncing around and that's exactly what my brain was doing in my skull. It was just bouncing around with every roll, every stop, every sudden jerk. My brain was just slamming against my skull 

Host: So the seatbelt kept you in the seat safe in the driver's seat.  But it was the motion of the car and the speed that you were going that really made that bruising and bleeding and everything around your brain. 

Guest: Yes. And from what I was told, I was doing about 80 to 90 mph. When I suddenly stopped, 

Host: That's fast to just come to a halt like that. 

Guest: Yes, it's a, there's no reason I should be here right now. 

Host: Right. That's why I said, you are definitely a miracle to be living breathing. Like you said, have a family and just be on the other side of this kind of a better person. And after all this rehab, eight months later, you're at home. What are, what happened? What were the consequences of your drunk driving accident hitting other people? 

Guest: Yeah, I took a little bit of time and a cop finally came to my door and they arrested me. They sent me, my court cases were about to start and for a couple more months I had to go to court every once in a while and wait for the verdict and wait for everything to be finished. 

Host: So...months after a traumatic brain injury where you were literally left lifeless. You are now in a courtroom, being questioned by a judge, and, what is going on in your head at that point? What are you thinking? 

Guest: I'm thinking I need to pay for what I did. I mean, I knew what I did was bad. I knew it was completely all my fault. There was no one else to blame. This was even how drunk I was. It was still my choice and I knew I had to pay for it. My lawyer told me that I'd probably just get probation with community service hours and maybe a little fine, but I was not ready for what actually happened. On the day of the, what's it called, the hearing, to finish it up. The judge's words were, I'm going to use you to make an example, And she just did just that she sentenced me to five years suspended after 18 months in prison, with five years probation, 500 hours of community service, and paying back whatever restitution my insurance didn't cover for the victims. 

Host: That's a hard pill to swallow. 

Guest: So I had to look back at my mother and let her know that it's going to be okay that I'll be fine. God's got this. And I went right into the holding cell and they sent me right to Hartford Correctional Facility. 

Host: So you walked into that hearing that day thinking that you were going to have probation and community service and you left with a sentence of five years in prison suspended after 18 months. There was no going home for you at that point.

Guest: Nope! I knew I went right to that cell and I just started praying. Really praying for just the sanity of my parents or my brothers.

Host: Wow! Now you went to Hartford, which seems like a pretty rough prison to be in, especially after a traumatic brain injury. How did you ensure your safety there? 

Guest: Now this is a God moment because my father when we lived in Florida a long time ago used to work with somebody who is now on the correctional committee in Connecticut and he got in contact with her and she got in contact with the Hartford warden and my parents were in constant communication with the warden from Hartford. And with the state I was in from my accident, it was not safe for me to be anywhere near any of those people, any of the people there, anyone at all. So the warden actually promised and did whatever they could. They put me in a nice 8 by 4 room by myself where I got the food, they gave me books and I was just there until they were ready to transfer me to the my the prison. I was going to say that for the rest of my service. 

Host: And why was it so important for you to be alone in an isolated room at that time in your recovery? 

Guest: Because one hit on my head, could just end it, it could have just killed me there. And the chance of that was pretty high. 

Host: That is a scary place to be in. Now you stayed for how long at Hartford prison?

Guest: I was at Hartford for about a week.

Host: And then you were transferred to…?

Guest: The Willard-Cylbuski facility in Enfield, Connecticut, which is from what I was told kind of a last stop. Like people who go there going home after that. So most people, they're well behaved, they don't want to mess up and it's a little safer. Their own little hospital in the area if they needed it. 

Host: Okay and how long were you there? 

Guest: I was there for nine months and one day. 

Host: What did you do with yourself for nine months and one day in prison?

Guest: Read. I read I worked out my brain. It was actually a blessing. I guess you could say because I, I took advantage of what I wouldn't have done if I was actually free. I've read, studied, and I memorized close to 50 Bible scriptures. I really worked out my brain and help me make those connections and get into the where I am today and now I'm now able to actually, I'm an apprentice at the local 777, where I'm almost done with becoming a journeyman and becoming a plumber and I wouldn't have been able to do that if I didn't work out my brain and really, really put the brain through all the memory, all the struggle of reading and everything to get back to where I am today. 

Host: That is a lot of self-driven motivation in a time where you probably needed the most help from other people. 

Guest: Yes. And I had that help. One of my pastors came to visit me every Friday really helped me teach the Bible. My parents were constantly visiting. I had friends visiting. There was always help. People are writing like crazy, sending the articles like I did fantasy football in prison. 

Host: Let's not glorify it, right? 

Guest: Yes, I made the best of my circumstances. 

 Host: Very good. And that speaks volumes about you and your personality and what you've become today too. Now you get out of prison, what's the next step? What do you do when you're home? 

Guest: It was a matter of, I don't know what I can do. So, I got a job just doing landscaping and helping with some yard work. Somebody I used to know who owns a business and I help them out for a little bit and then I tried to go back to school. I tried to go back to school seven months after my accident and I went back to Central Connecticut State University trying to do criminal justice and I completely failed to the point where we just kind of got rid of the semester, like it never even happened, it was just that bad. My brain wasn't even close to being able to handle everything I could. 

Host: Mhm.  

Guest: I just couldn't study, I couldn't have the concentration to focus during class. It was like a person with ADD kind of but to a little bit more of an extreme.

Host: And since then you've really worked with you know, doing other things besides school to get a job that's consistent and you are also trying to make a lot of money to do what? 

Guest: Pay off my restitution.

Host: Yeah. How much money was that? You had to pay back?

Guest: A little more than $11 grand, I believe. I remember. So every paycheck I got was just being sent away. 

Host: How many years did it take you to put that behind you? 

Guest: I finished it six months before my five years probation was over. So everything I didn't save money. I was 25 still living with my parents and I didn't have a cent to my name because everything I saved I sent away. 

Host: Gotcha. Have you tried to go back to school since?
 
 Guest: I have, I got my associates. I finished that up. I just took whatever credits I had and just got my associate's degree. Now I'm in free schooling with the union where they're just a really big blessing. 

Host: And in addition to that you've also given back and kind of made the most out of your situation by being one of our VIPs - our voices of injury prevention for the ThinkFirst program through Gaylord Hospital.  

Guest: Yes. I believe I was one of the first. 

Host: So how many years have you been a speaker for thing first? 

Guest: It's been probably 8 to 9 years. 

Host: Wow. And how has that changed you? What has that done for you? 

Guest: It's nice to see the faces of all the kids and actually seeing because I look like nothing ever happened to me. So I go into talk and they're like, oh, we're going to listen to somebody talk about drinking and driving, who hasn't done it been through anything. And then I show them my videos and my pictures, the picture of my car, which was literally just a smashed-up Jeep Liberty. You wouldn't even be able to tell it was a Jeep Liberty. And the picture, the videos of me learning to hold my head up again and walk and they're just like, so maybe this guy actually knows something. Maybe he's been through it. 

Host: Mm-hmm. 

Guest: I've had a lot of comments about people saying they would, it's changed their life that maybe they will not even think about picking up the first drink, which is something I wish I did. I wish I didn't, I didn't pick up that first drink when I was 14 or 15 years old. I really got into that bad habit of just drinking and partying all through high school and college and Marine Corps.

Host: So you think your story has influenced high schoolers and making better decisions throughout their, um, their time there, right?

Guest: Yes. And that's why I still do it. 

Host: So what's your take-home message for those kids?

Guest: Don't even pick it up. It's not worth it. Yeah. I even say, it's better to be home alone or just home with your parents or brothers than to be out drinking with your friends. You’ve got to pick the right people to actually be friends with, who actually care about you and your future because one mistake, it doesn't just affect you, it stops everyone's life. My mother retired my to take care of me. My father had to really work hard. So my medical bills were crazy, absolutely crazy. And now knowing from just having a baby and seeing how much that costs, what they paid for me was astronomical. 

Host: And how about your brothers? 

Guest: They had to go through just two of them in school at the time and with college and not anywhere near me there, one in Florida and one in North Carolina and they had to go through just living and hoping that I'd be better or actually make it through it. Well, I mean, I wish I could say that they didn't stop drinking. But to each, their own and they've made their own decisions.

Host: Gotcha. 

Guest: But they've been great all this time. 

Host: So this, this is a kind of a monumental experience for you. You've been through a horrible tragedy, you went to jail because of it. So you paid for the consequences of drinking and driving and now you are, you have a full-time job. You are a father, you are a husband and you're still helping me through ThinkFirst go out to those schools and promote your message to these children. You know, how has that made you look at life now from now into the future?

Guest: It makes me worried because now I have a son and knowing how I grew up, I know what to look for and or at least what to talk to him about. Because it's a scary world out there now and it doesn't seem like things are getting any better. 

Host: Mm-hmm. 

Guest: So it's a lot of trust in God and just go in the right direction and not the wrong way. 

Host: So I'm sure we have listeners from all different backgrounds right now. We may have people going through traumatic brain injuries. We may have family members listening. We may have you know other healthcare workers working with people with brain injury. To that 20-year-old learning to take their first step again after a traumatic brain injury or to that person struggling with their memory or the people in prison maybe even looking for some hope. What is your message to them? 

Guest: Don't give up. Just do the next right thing. Just keep moving, keep putting your foot forward. Keep…try to be better because it's kind of like a brain injury. It only gets as better with how much work you put into it. So if you don't do anything, you will stay the victim, you will stay hurt. You would stay injured.  Really put everything forward to get better. And because it's not just your life that matters, it's everyone around who cares about you or who has given their time for you. They all love you and you just got to get better. 

Host: I love that. That is perfect now to wrap this up, tell me what's harder boot camp or rehab after brain injury?

Guest: You see, I went to boot camp wanting that. I loved it. I loved the Marine Corps. It was difficult but I knew it was going to be difficult. Rehab is something I would never wish upon anyone. You know, it was hard, but I knew I had to do it just because I knew I had to get better and I and at that point, I wanted to get back into the Marine Corps. They took me back for a couple of months but they finally medically discharged me after they realized that my brain injury was just too severe and me being infantry... I didn't want to have one explosion. one loud noise that could just send me right back. Yeah, not worth the risk. And they thought so too. 

Host: So you have to give up your dream of being in the Marine Corps. 

Guest: So my accident, my decision to drink and drive made me lose my dream of serving in the Marine Corps. 

Host: Gotcha. Now you, I know it's not something that you can take back. But if you were back in your 15-16-year-old self. Are you happy with where you've ended up today? 

Guest: I'm happy where I am now because it's a great life. Things definitely would have been a lot different if I didn't get into the accident and it's hard to know actually where I would be because I was gun-ho. So I feel like something probably would have happened in Iraq or Afghanistan and who knows where I would have been. But either way, there's nothing I can do to change it. So yeah, I live in the moment, thankful for everything and I mean everything. Gosh, even prison I'm thankful for how much it really blessed me with working out my brain. 

Host: Well, you have shared quite a story, Ryan. Um, I want to wholeheartedly thank you for coming on our podcast today and I can't wait until our next presentation. Thank you. 

Guest: Thank you.

Host: Thank you all for listening and we hope you've been enlightened and encouraged by Ryan's story. In our next episode. I will be talking with Dr. Alyse Sicklick, who is the medical director of inpatient rehabilitation at Gaylord Specialty Healthcare in Wallingford, Connecticut. We will discuss her almost 30-year career that has been focused on traumatic brain injury and stroke rehabilitation. We will also delve into how her career path has impacted her personal and family life. See you then! 
 
 Thank you for tuning into the Gaylord Specialty Healthcare podcast. We hope that you will join us again to hear more stories that bring hope, insight, and a message of belief that life after a traumatic injury or illness is possible.

Host: Welcome to the Gaylord Specialty Healthcare Podcast. This podcast will feature patients, families, and medical professionals dealing with serious illnesses or injuries and is meant to inspire bring hope, insight, and a message of belief that life after a traumatic illness is possible. 
 
Host: Hello listeners and welcome back to the Gaylord Specialty Healthcare podcast featuring our ThinkFirst series. Today we're going to talk a lot about concussions and the effects that concussions have on our youth and people in our community. There was an article in the Quinnipiac Chronicle, actually from Quinnipiac University, back in February of 2022 that states, “I wish I never played hockey.” One of the former Quinnipiac men's hockey players reveals the life-threatening effects of the intoxicating smashmouth culture, they call it, that has left him searching for answers. This gentleman played hard hockey throughout his career and then he coached it and he continued to preach that hard hockey feel and now he's suffering from changes in his behavior, his emotion, and his mental status. He has a lot of pain he suffered from alcohol addiction. And these are some of the things that can happen after repeated blows to the head. Now he's saying it could be something like CTE.  But that is only really is diagnosed when someone has passed away but he seems to be living with these severe chronic issues of changes in his brain that affect his family life the way that he emotionally reacts to certain situations and sort of can be a hard problem in a marriage and dealing with children and things like that, it carries over to all those things. So concussions after concussions can lead to some of these chronic issues. And today I actually brought in a high schooler Mr. Matthew Solomon here from Taft school who's here to tell us a little bit about how concussions have affected his life and playing some of these high school sports and how that has changed him and made his career decisions and life decisions altered by the impact of concussions.  

Host: So Matthew, welcome to our ThinkFirst series. 

Guest: Thank you for having me. I'm really excited to talk with you and kind of explain my story and talk to everyone else out there about, you know, concussions and all that. 

Host: It's very important that you share this because I know in high school it's like you want to fit in, you want to be part of sports it is such a huge part of growing up. I want you to start off maybe by telling us a little bit about how old you are, what grade you're in where you're from, that kind of thing. 

Guest: So, I am 17 years old. I'm a junior at the Taft School in Watertown Connecticut. I grew up in New York City. I went to preschool there went through elementary school and up until eighth grade. I did ninth grade at my school because it went K through nine. And then I re-classed to the class of 2023 at Taft because I was the youngest at my old school in my grade. So I kind of wanted to be a little older, especially because at boarding school there's a lot more re-classes, everyone's older because sports is such a dominating factor, as we're going to talk about in a little bit. So it's my third year there, I came as a freshman and it's been really great. The concussions have limited the experience a little bit like we'll talk about, but I think overall I really enjoyed it and it's been great for me. 

Host: Is there a reason that you chose the boarding school over a regular high school? 

Guest: At my old school, about half the kids in the graduating grades went to boarding schools and half went to day schools, either in the city or in other places. And my uncle went to Taft, so I already had a connection previously to the whole application period. But Taft really stood out with me. I love the campus, and the campus feel. I love the students’ positivity when I came there. You know, when I was going out, my tour guide, everyone's saying, you know, happy birthday and that's kind of a thing where you make the people attending the tour feel bad, it's like, oh it's your birthday, happy birthday where it's not actually your birthday. But you know, that's kind of a joke with tour guiding. That really stood out to me and I loved my interview. I interviewed with the football coach, he's also in the admissions office. It was great. I really enjoyed it and I just felt like I could fit in. So when I got the letter for admissions, I was super excited. I didn't even look at any other admissions. I just told the school, hey, I'm coming so be ready. So, it was kind of a fit from day one and you know, it was tough transitioning, but I think once I got past that little hump, in the beginning, it's been great. 

Host: And initially you went on to the football team, like, right when you got there?

Guest: Yeah, so I was planning to play football there. I joined as a freshman right away. I was definitely the smallest on the team. I was probably 5’ 8” and 130 pounds, whereas there were kids who were like 6’ 5” and 300 pounds, a big team. My school sends kids to play college football every year. There are big kids there, they bring in lots of recruits. So I, I felt, you know, kind of out of it. I didn't really feel big enough, strong enough, or fast enough and I just felt kind of, upset because coming in I had high hopes, I wanted to get some good playing time, maybe start. And once I came I was like, oh, this is not going to happen at all. It was a big jump, it's a big team. I was kind of down at the beginning, but you know, but I stuck with it. Freshman year, I played on JV and we only had like three games, which they are were great. But you know, obviously, I wish I had played more and on the last JV game of the season, this was the week before the big varsity rivalry game against a rival school Hotchkiss, I got my first diagnosed concussion. So that's where it really all started. I couldn't go to the rivalry game I had to watch at home, which really sucked and it really, really hurt. That was the first time I really felt the effects of it and it sucked to put it simply. 

Host: You couldn't be with your team. 

Guest: No, I couldn't.

Host: What is a concussion was it? How did you know that you had it or who pointed that out for you? 

Guest: So the way I got it, it's kind of a funny story. I was going to block a punt and the way I got the concussion was instead of the punt hitting my hands, it hit my head. So it's a really interesting way to block a punt. It worked, it stopped it, and we got the ball. But I played the rest of the game. I didn't really feel any effects. I mean for about 10 seconds I felt kind of dazed but I think the adrenaline just kept me going and then after the game I was feeling, you know, nauseous and had a big headache and tired and just all that and it wasn't feeling great. So, my friends had me go to the health center there and they diagnosed me with a concussion pretty much right away. So the biggest effects I had were just, you know, nausea, and dizziness. I couldn't really think straight. I had some like clouds in my eyes so it wasn't too bad, but there were definitely some effects there. It took me a few days to kind of get back in the swing of things and I had to just sit in a dark room with nothing like no music, no screens. You're like when you have a concussion, you just have to, they say rest your brain, which is really hard to do! Like you use your brain for everything, like talking right now I'm using my brain. Just looking around the room, I'm using my brain everything uses your brain. So to have someone tell me, I just have to sit there and do nothing for two days. It was really boring and annoying. I didn't want to have to do it again! 

Host: So they didn't let you go to classes or anything.. 

Guest: No classes, no work. When I told them I was telling them like, hey, I feel better. Like, no, you’ve go to stay in there. It takes longer than you think. So, you know, after a day or two, I felt pretty much okay, and then, you know, it still took a few days to kind of get reacclimated into it. My first days back in class, were just me sitting with my head down listening because they want you to kind of go slowly into it. And so I missed about a week of school just from one little concussion and they called it a mild concussion. So it wasn't too severe, it wasn't too light, but still, it took me about a week to recover from it, which might not seem like too long. But in school, when you're going, you know, quickly every day, you're learning and learning five classes each day, it builds up and then you have to recover from it and it just takes a while and it's, not the best thing to do. 

Host:  And so for our listeners too, we just want to explain what a concussion is a little bit, it's actually a mild traumatic brain injury. It's literally any bump blow jolt to the head that results in some kind of those symptoms that you experienced and it's scary because you can't see inside your brain. So you don't know if there's a little bleed or what kind of impact that blow had on your head. And like you said, it actually did take a few days for you to feel normal again and then return to activity. 

Guest: And what's also crazy is that it doesn't have to be direct contact with your head. It can be what's called. I remember one of them, another concussion I got later is a whiplash concussion where I was hit a little below my neck, kind of in my chest, and my head was kind of thrust back. It didn't even have contact with my head. I thought at the beginning it wasn't a concussion because I don't even hit my head on anything. But you know, the head is, the brain is so it's so easy to hurt or injure and it's so hard to take care of it that you just have to, you really got to go out of your way to keep it safe, especially if you're playing a contact sport like football or hockey or lacrosse or something like that. Because, you know, even these helmets now that are approved by big-time corporations they're going to protect you and they're going to help you but they can't stop everything. And it still happens no matter what. And I feel like it's going to keep happening. So I just want people to be aware of that because it's very common and kids tried to hide it. I tried to hide my last one because I didn't want to stop playing. I was nervous. I didn't want to tell my parents. I had another one and I wanted to hide it. That's probably the worst thing you can do because these are serious and I realized that after, 

Host: Yes, there are many studies. I mean, there are so many kids that just aren’t counted because they don't report them. They want to keep playing for sure. You're not alone. And that's great that you're actually telling people this because we need more people to report it. These are longstanding things that can stay with you. And so you said you had even more, right? You had a second one, the whiplash one. And then what was the last one? 

Guest: So when I was, when I was little…this was before I really started playing tackle football. So we weren't really worried about concussions, but I had my friend up to my house and we were just throwing a football around and he was bigger than me. He was almost twice my size because like I said, I was smaller when I was younger, so he had a big arm, he was strong and he was throwing me the football from like five feet away. I'm not sure why he was so close. And he threw it harder than I guess he intended to. And because it was five feet away, I didn't really have a chance to catch it and it hit me right between the eyes. Like I said, I didn't go to a doctor, but that night I was - head was in serious pain. I was crying. I was probably in fourth grade. It was a while ago, but it hurt like crazy and I was dizzy and I don't remember it too well because it was a little while ago. I just remember I couldn't really sleep that night and for the next couple of days, it was hurting like crazy. So I kind of assumed that was one even though it wasn't exactly diagnosed. And then sophomore year, I was very close to having one, I went in for a tackle and I'm not really sure what happened. I kind of hit the guy and I tried not to, you know, obviously when you tackle, you're not supposed to lead with your head. I tried to get my head out of it but when I hit him, I just, I couldn't really grab him and I kind of fell down. My head was just ringing. So, I went to the health center they said fortunately I didn't have one, but I was really, really close and then last year I was in practice like I said with the whiplash. We were in a drill and I got hit in the chest by someone else and my head flung back and my head was hurting for the rest of the practice. So, I went to go sit down and I tried not to try to just walk it off and went to go sit in my room and it took a dorm parent on my floor to be like, hey, you have to go to the health center. I knew something was wrong and I was nervous. I was scared. I was upset and I didn't want to have to tell my parents because I knew it was a concussion. I didn't want to have to tell them. And you know, once you go and they diagnose you, they tell your parents even if I don't. So they were going to find out and when they let me call my mom for the first time she was, you know, I could tell she was upset, she was trying to stay calm because she wanted me to be okay. But she was really upset and I knew my dad was going to feel the same because he had a few concussions when he was growing up and he dealt with them. He played soccer, he dealt with injuries a few times, so he knows what it's like. So they were really nervous about it and I really wanted to just, I don't know, I didn't want to quit, but I didn't want to tell them that I was dealing with these concussions left and right. So it was kind of nuts. 

Host: So, who initially broached the subject about actually quitting football? 

Guest: I knew that it was going to be a topic of discussion because I knew last year after, I almost had, when my mom and dad told me, look, you can keep going, but we're nervous and once you get another one, we're going to have to talk about it. So I was really nervous when I had to go home and talk to them about it. It took me a couple of days of just, you know... because I had to recover from it. I just have to sit there And I had to think about talking to them and that was even worse. I think it was like 2-3 days of just thinking of all the scenarios of what's going to happen, thinking about what I'm going to say, what they're going to say, how they're going to react. I'm going to react and I didn't really know there were millions of things going through my head when I'm not supposed to be thinking of anything. So once I, once I felt okay and we sat down at the dining room table, I forget how it was initiated, but I felt really upset and they saw I was upset and they were like, look, we don't want to do this, but we think you should maybe take a break and I was upset. I didn't say yes right away, but I think after thinking about it and talking with some of my coaches and my friends and teammates that it was the right decision. So it wasn't that they made me and it wasn't that I wanted to. So right away, it was kind of a combination. I realized that it would be better for me in the future. I know like CTE and dementia are [results] of even more severe concussions and I didn't want it to get to that point. My mom's dad has dementia, so it's been pretty tough on my grandma and my mom just to kind of deal with that.  He was like perfectly fine a couple of years ago and he still is physically healthy. It's just that dementia makes it very tough. So we know how tough it is firsthand and I didn't want to get it, I don't want it to get to that point ever. And I knew that my family would be hurt by it and it would hurt them physically and mentally.

Host: For you to have the wisdom at the stage to know that, to think about how your parents would react and looking down the road at your life. That, I mean, that's really admirable. 

Guest: Yeah, my parents and my coaches in high school and also in middle school. They did a very good job of explaining what a concussion was and what can happen if you get one, what the consequences are.

Host: Were you educated in school about it too? 

Guest: Yeah, my middle school did a very good job talking about it, even though even at a young age when I started playing football, they always would read to us very seriously what the concussion was, what the consequences were, why it could happen, how it happens. So, I knew about it early on and I stayed healthy and in middle school, I don't think I ever got a real injury, didn't get a concussion, didn't break any bones or anything. So I felt pretty good going into high school, I thought I was kind of invincible. Not invincible but you know what I mean. I felt pretty good. I mean, most kids had broken something, or torn something, or gotten a concussion and I hadn't, So I felt good about myself and you know, the first football season I got my first diagnosed concussions. It was like, all right. It's a setback. It's nothing huge. And I was, you know, pretty close to getting another one the next season. It's like alright, I’ve got to realize what's going on. And I got a third one. You know, if this is going to happen every year, I got to stop. 

Host: Was your coach supportive? 

Guest: Yeah, absolutely! My head coach and the other assistant coaches are very great. And the great thing about my school is that my coaches are also teachers or admissions officers. So they work at the school. So they're not just my coach there, you know, advisors, their friends, they are you know, like kind of like parents. Like they're all, they're all there for me. So that was really nice of them and I really appreciate it. They made sure that I was going to be okay. They made sure that they cared for me and that they would be there for me. So they made sure that no matter what my decision was, they'd be there. You know, they wouldn't offer, they wouldn't tell me what to do because they wanted it to be my decision, but they offered advice saying, look, it sucks. It happens. You know ultimately it's up to you, but look out for your health. So I did that. I looked out for my health and I ended up stopping. 

Host: Yeah, that's amazing for a coach and people that you really respect to tell you that because I'm sure there are some people out there who have hotheaded coaches who are like pushing you to get back on the field and you know, oh, you're fine, that kind of thing. Which used to be one of the bigger mentalities and obviously the culture has changed, which is wonderful. But it also shows...how early education on this subject can really make a difference. You know you said you learned it back in middle school. So as you were approaching high school and getting into these contact sports, all that knowledge was like, oh, these really bad things can happen, and here I am faced with it. 

Guest: I'm very thankful for that. They did a great job. I'm very happy and once I came back for a reunion once and I had to tell my old coaches what happened and they, you know, obviously we're upset, but I told them that, like, hey, you guys were the ones that help me out here, if not for you, I might have kept going and might have hurt myself even more, which would have been permanent. So, I'm very thankful for that and I think everyone should have the ability to learn that at a young as young age as possible because it doesn't matter, the sport doesn't even matter if it is a sport, you can get a concussion anyway possible. So I think everyone should know what it is, why it's so serious, why it's different from any other part of your body, you know how to, how to prevent it and how to get past it. 

Host: Yes, that's one of the awesome things about ThinkFirst, right, exactly what we want to do, is educate our youth about injury prevention. What have you done to stay connected to the team since? Are you involved? It was like cut it off, cold turkey? 

Guest: So the season ran from September to about November, Thanksgiving time. After it happened, it was very early in the season, it was only the third week into it, we only played one game. The rest of the season was left and I wasn't really sure what to do. I came out to my coach with ideas and he told me he'd be glad to welcome me back whether it was as a player or not, but I told him, I might take a break from being a player for now and he offered to let me stay, he knew how passionate I was about football. Not even just playing it, just kind of studying it and coaching it and learning about it. So he offered to let me stay as kind of an assistant coach to help out with like the freshman on the JV team and also to help out with keeping statistics from the teams, like tracking the stats of the players from each game, tracking the game stats, what would help the team that doesn't help the team, which I thought was really cool, that's kind of what I want to do when I'm older.

Host: I was going to ask you if you had like career goals to be a football player or like where your mind was as a freshman going in. Yeah, obviously you know growing up the dream is to you know play in the NFL, be a superstar, you know, Hall of Famer and all that and then I realized, you know, that's extremely hard to do so I might tone it down a little but you know once this all happened I realized that you know playing football doesn't last forever and if I wanted to stay connected I had to find other ways to do it. So I kind of researched more into like coaching and management styles, I'm a big Giants fan and they haven't done that great, so I always come up with ways to kind of fix the team myself because I feel like I would do it better, but that's the goal. I want to work in the NFL. I want to be either a coach or work as a general manager or a scout or something like that. I love scouting, I love coaching, I like tracking the numbers as I mentioned, so I think all of that is really awesome. I had to say what I want to do when I'm older it's just finding a way to stay connected and work in the NFL, that would be great. 

Host: So it's very unique because, you know, you, you weren't just a high school athlete you actually do want to move towards, like the NFL and college football and all that. 

Guest: Absolutely. 

Host: So this was a huge decision for you to make to actually quit playing. 

Guest: Yes, and I think another reason why it helped was, you know, obviously the keeping my head safe, but also it would help me to, to move away from playing and kind of transition into what I want to do when I'm older and I feel like, you know, it's kind of hard to figure out what you want to do, but I'm pretty sure I know what I want to do. I think now that I know and I'm still pretty young, I'm a junior in high school, but I think now that I know I can kind of work towards it and, you know, they don't teach like sports management in high school, it's more of a college thing, so it's kind of hard for me to do it in school. But you know, when I have free time, I'll watch a YouTube video and I'll just learn. I got some pretty great advice from a former NFL GM saying at your age, just like pretend you're like a sponge, just like soak in all the information as possible. And I've kind of lived by that. I like, you know, watching videos, reading books, reading articles, stuff like that anything related to football.

Host: It really sounds like you use your brain. 

Guest: Yes, like we said that the brain support and you got to use it for this stuff, so keeping it protected. 

Host: Well I love that you're trying to come on board with ThinkFirst and be a part of our program as well and go out and serve the community and tell your story and try to make a change, you know, be that advocate for, for people who are probably on concussion number two or three as well and sort of want to keep playing hard and you've got to promote that. You know, it's not all about that, it's about being smart, honestly. What made you want to do more with your story? 

Guest: Yeah, I saw that, as you said, a lot of kids don't have this information available to them and it's kind of looked over because, you know, breaking a bone or tearing a ligament is more painful and I feel like we sometimes associate pain with severity and a concussion might not be that painful right away. Like I said, it took me a few days or a week to get over mine and that's kind of it. And once there early on they don't really last that long, the more you have, I think the easier they are to get and the more severe they can be. So, you know, I think kids don't really realize that concussions are a very severe injury to have even though it might not seem like it. And I want kids to know that because when I would tell kids why I tell my friends and classmates and other people why I stopped, they'd be like, oh, you only have three concussions, that's not that many. I'm like, well, yeah, it's like, look, it might not seem like that much, but it's, it's a lot and it can really hurt you for a long time, for the rest of your life. So I feel like a lot of people don't know that even in my school, which is a very good school, I'm very proud of where I am, but some people don't understand how severe it is and I feel like there are so many kids now that are just looking over it because of a coach or a parent or a family member that just wants them to keep going and kind of ignore it. And I think everyone should know the implications of what a concussion is and what it can do to you. 

Host: Yes. And, what made you come across ThinkFirst? How did you find us basically because you sought me out! Which is awesome. 

Guest: When I had that concussion, I was, I was down for a while. I was really upset, really angry at myself, at my teammates and everybody and you know, I was kind of struggling in school for a little. My mom wanted to get me, you know, up again. And so she kind of sought out, things like ThinkFirst. She found things first and she mentioned you to me and I was like, well I might as well reach out. I mean I might, you know, try to help kids if I can't do anything anymore. I might try to help others that still can do it. And every time I do that, look at my brother for example, you know, he wants to play now. He wants to, he said carry on the tradition. I'm like Jeff, I've played for like five years, it hasn't been that long, but he's, he's 14, he's a freshman. So obviously I'm a little nervous for him. My parents - my mom is very nervous. She doesn't want him to, but he somehow convinced her. So, you know, I'm happy he did. I'm happy he gets a shot. 

Host: Your poor parents. 

Guest: Yeah, but you know, I look at him for motivation. I mean, usually, it's, I feel like the younger brother looking at the older brother for something, But I'm looking at him, I mean he's a really awesome kid and he wants to learn and he wants to play. So I look at him and I know there are so many others like him that want to play, but they also, if they're playing, that's great. But they also got to know what can happen and so they have to know, you know about the concussions, about everything else. It is very important they know. 

Host: What we teach too is that we're not saying don't play sports were just saying be smart about playing sports. You know your sport, know what equipment is best for, know how to handle yourself on the field and if something happens, report it don't hide it. Reach out to your coaches, and your parents because like you said, it's not just a head injury, it's a lifelong injury, you know, and can be sustained through all those symptoms you talked about, which is really scary. So what do you think you'd say to a high school football player, maybe even a middle schooler who has to make that similar decision that you've had to make. 

Guest: That’s a big question. You know, obviously, it's, it's a very tough discussion to have, you know, being the person to say, look, it might be smart to stop for at least a little or, or forever, you know, especially that, that sport activity means something like football did to me and then everything to me and you know, having someone telling me I should stop was like, all right, that's ridiculous I'm not going to listen to you. And that makes sense. I mean I understand why someone would feel like that. I felt like that, but I feel like, you know, once you look at it from, you know, the concussion perspective and how much it can do to you and if you see what it does to you like you see in the NFL, these people get CTE and they do terrible things to themselves. It's like, look, do you really want to do this to yourself? Like, you know, for a few years of the sport? And I know it's great, but it can do things to you for the rest of your life and it's just not worth it. You know, you can do other things, you can protect your brain doing other activities and it's a really tough thing to say. But if it's worth it in the long run, then it's worth it in the short run as well. 

Host: That's excellent advice. And I know you're not a parent yet, but if there's parents out there listening to this as well, what kind of things would you say to the parent who's trying to help their child make this decision of, you know, do I continue on with these sports despite concussions? How do I help my child see the risks of this?

Guest: Yeah, I think the biggest thing is just honesty, I think you've got to be, you know, straight up with them and say, look, it's a terrible thing that concussions are such an awful thing that can happen, but it's just what it is. So I think, you know, showing your child like pieces of evidence, articles, videos, stuff about, you know, maybe their favorite players that are getting these concussions and seeing what it does to them. I mean, I think a real life example as much as it might sound pretty awful I think it's just how it works. I think you have to show them what it can do and what the risks are and how it might be helpful to just, you know, maybe take a break or change what you're doing. So it's that advice to watch videos too and see things. I always reference in my school presentations, the movie “Concussions” with Will Smith which is a true depiction of how multiple head traumas can impact your life for sure. So those are very powerful messages. 

Host: Thank you, Matthew! You can find more information too on concussions and ways to prevent them at ThinkFirst.org. Or you can look at the Gaylord website and search ThinkFirst and we have posted some things about concussion prevention as well. Thank you so much again for coming in, Matt. 

Guest: Of course, thank you for having me. I love talking about this stuff as much as it hurts sometimes. It's good for everyone else to know. 

Host: Oh, absolutely. This is the best way to share information to get it out there. All right, well, thank you.

Guest: Of course, thanks for having me. 

Thank you for tuning into the Gaylord Specialty Healthcare podcast. We hope that you will join us again to hear more stories that bring hope, insight, and a message of belief that life after a traumatic injury or illness is possible.

Host: Welcome to the Gaylord Specialty Healthcare podcast. This podcast will feature patients, families and medical professionals dealing with serious illnesses or injuries and is meant to inspire, bring hope, insight and a message of belief that life after a traumatic illness is possible. 

Host: I am your host Megan Palmer, an occupational therapist at Gaylord and the Think First program coordinator. 

Host: The Think First Association is a nationwide organization devoted to preventing brain and spinal cord injury among our youth and spreading awareness of the consequences of risky behavior. Our first several episodes will feature the Think First program where we will talk with former patients, physicians and family members who have been directly affected by traumatic brain and spinal cord injuries. 

Host: So, whether you're listening in as a former or current patient, you're a mom, a dad or a family member of someone with a brain or spinal cord injury or you're exploring career options in the health field. This special series will highlight those split second decisions that can alter or change a life forever. 

Host: Today we are hosting our special guest Dr. Alyse Sicklick, the medical director of inpatient rehabilitation and a rehab physiatrist for our inpatient traumatic brain injury and stroke population. 

Host: Hi, Dr. Sicklick! 

Guest: Hello, how are you, Megan? I'm doing great. How are you? 

Host: I'm doing just fabulous. Thank you. Thank you so much for coming in and sharing your knowledge and expertise with our listeners here. We are very excited to get to know a little bit more about you and what you have been doing here for almost 30 years of your career? 

Guest: Well, thank you for the invitation, Megan. 

Host: You're very welcome. 

Host: Can you tell us a little bit about what brought you to Gaylord? What do you do here? 

Guest: Well, after finishing my training, about 30 years ago, I interviewed at a bunch of sites in the state of Connecticut, which my husband and I knew we wanted to end up around the state of Connecticut and after many interviews, this was truly the only place I interviewed at and said, this is where I want to work. And I fought tooth and nail and just kept on plugging away until they finally got sick of me and agreed to offer me a job. And here I am! And it's been 29.5 years later. 

Host: What was it about Gaylord that really attracted you to this place? 

Guest: There was something about the vibe when you walked around when you spoke with the folks that worked here, there was something about the camaraderie, there was something about the dedication to the patient and their whole support system that made me feel this was the place where I wanted to devote my time and effort and begin my career. 

Host: And did they actually have a position open for a physiatrist? Or did you come in as something else first? 

Guest: Well, they were interviewing for one position, and ultimately there ended up being two people that they were interested in, me being the second because I think they were just tired again of me saying I really want to come, I really want to work there. And I just wore them down and ultimately they ended up hiring two new physiatrists to add to their staff and the rest is history.

Host: And you don't regret a single moment of being here and fighting for it.

Guest: Never for a moment! As the last 29 and a half years would attest to. 

Host: You didn't initially know you wanted to be rehab psychiatrist. What were you going to school for? What was your interest? 

Guest: My original interest while I was in medical school was orthopedic surgery, specifically sports medicine. And unfortunately when, once I started spending a lot of time in the operating room, I realized I really didn't want to be a surgeon and I was a little bit of a lost soul trying to figure out what I wanted to do and somebody suggested that I do a rotation on a spinal cord injury unit where I was going to medical school and I fell in love with the world of rehab and completely switched my gears and sought after a residency in physical medicine and rehabilitation. 

Host: Where did you get your doctorate?  

Guest: I received my medical doctor degree at Boston University School of Medicine.

Host: Ok, and where did you do undergrad? 

Guest: I also went to Boston University undergrad. So I was there for eight years and then after medical school, I got into a residency program at Columbia Presbyterian in Manhattan. So I was in New York for four years doing my training until I started at Gaylord. 

Host: Oh, wow. So you city hopped.

Guest: I city hopped, but I am a New Yorker. So going back to New York for my training program was exactly what I wanted to do. So it worked out kind of nice. 

Host: Did you grow up in the city? 

Guest: Part of the time, in the city, Part of the time in Long Island and then back to the city. So I've been in most of the boroughs of New York City except for Staten Island. 

Host: And you like Wallingford now? 

Guest: Well, I work in Wallingford. I don't live in Wallingford. I live outside of Hartford. But traveling to Wallingford every day for my job has been my pleasure. 

Host: Oh, that's amazing. So you grew up a city girl, but you're okay being a town and country kind of lady?

Guest: I am totally good with being that way now. And it's been a great way to raise a family. 

Host: So leading into your family, what do you have for children?

Guest: I have two grown boys, a 23-year-old and a 25-year-old. I came to Gaylord as a young married lady without any children. And have gone through two pregnancies and raised my children all whilst being at Gaylord. And again, being a Gaylord has been a great environment to be a mom and raise a family. You have the support and everything from the people who work here to get you through that. It's been wonderful. Everybody has been very helpful and very supportive. 

Host: I can attest to the same. 

Guest: I think you should be the next podcast. 

Host: I do have quite a story to tell. So your boys now, I can imagine raising two boys and being a specialist in traumatic brain injury kind of led to a few mother decisions that you had to make. How did you deal with that? 

Guest: Well, I would love to say that I raised both of my boys inside a cocoon or a bubble or bubble wrap. But that's very hard to do with two boys that are very much into athletics. So it's been quite a challenge being a professional in the world of brain injury, watching my younger son who is a soccer goalie, and my older son who's a baseball pitcher being on the field and knowing how risky it can be and trying to remain calm on the sidelines without looking like an absolute maniac, which often times I felt like I should be an absolute maniac.

Host: I bet. So you were, you didn't hold back though as a sideline mom, you were cheering them on but inside you're like, yes, sort of dying of anxiety. 

Guest; I'm a huge sports fan. So I loved going to the games and I loved participating with my boys. It has truly been one of my greatest pleasures about being a mom. But every now and then I would realize what they were doing and realize how dangerous it was. And I'd have to go back to just being a mom and not being a doctor-mom.  

Host: Right. I know there's a hard balance right there. 

Guest: It's very, very difficult, but you got to do what you got to do and you really don't want to do something crazy and not let your kids enjoy the moment and be part of something that's very, very special. 

Host: That’s right. Team sports have an amazing kind of growth in, um, responsibility on these kids as they are taking part in these athletics. 

Guest: It's a great experience and it's a great part of growing up for children, both boys and girls and they both played all through high school and college and it was just such a great part of who they are. 

Host: Did either of them choose football at any time?

Guest: No that would be a little scarier for me. Nobody chose football. Football obviously is in the spring. Excuse me in the fall. And my younger son who plays soccer, that's also the fall. So he had to choose one or the other. So that was an easy decision. And my older son just never had any interest and played baseball year-round, 

Host: Which as a pitcher honestly is a similar risk as football. You don't have the hard helmet on when you're standing on the mound either 

Guest: Correct, correct. So there's nothing that's completely safe. So you just have to have some faith and hope that your kids get through it unscathed. 

Host: Yeah, it's concussions and wearing helmets and the proper fitting and all that is such a huge topic, and in high schools and doing our Thing First Program. It's just interesting how now they actually have this thing where they do a sort of, concussion tests or something prior to the actual scheduled games. So they know your baseline and then if you get hurt or anything, they can do another test to kind of show, what kind of effects that had on your brain. 

Guest: The world of sports is paying much more attention to concussions now than they did actually when my boys were young. So this is long overdue. And even the coaches and trainers are much more educated about assessment, warning signs, and when people are safe to go back. So we're doing a much better job now certainly than we did 25 years ago. 

Host: Yes, I've, I've seen the change to actually, over the timeline of, of speaking to high schools and having them come back and tell me all the different things that the coaches are now doing. So it's, it's impressive and hopefully, it will decrease the amount of brain injuries that are happening in concussions with these young kids. It's scary out there for my boys too growing up and starting to get into that world of sports. 

Guest: It can be very, very scary. But sports is such a big part for any child that's interested. And certainly is very, very important to them staying healthy and being part of a team environment. 

Host: Absolutely. Now either of your boys following in your footsteps, going towards doctorate degrees or anything?

Guest: Nobody is going to be a physician in my family. My older son is into science. But if you just mention the word blood or anything like that and I think he's close to fainting when something like that happens that will not happen. And my younger one is not a science kind of guy. So it's all good. It's all good. They have to leave and find their own paths and they have done that. I love that. 

Host: What does your husband do? 

Guest: My husband is a lawyer and he works on doing children and family advocacy. So he's saving the world in his little way. Just like I tried to save part of the world in my little way. And that's very interesting. 

Host: So have your schedules ever clashed? Are you able to sort of both have your jobs and then have a family life too?

Guest: Our schedules clash on a regular basis, but that's part of being a, a two professional family and both being dedicated to your family and you figure it out and he's just a fabulous dad and is just amazing with my boys and they have a great, great relationship. 

Host: Oh, I love that. That's very special. So let's kind of go into I guess sort of what a rehab physiatrist does, what, what do you do here for our brain injury and stroke population? 

Guest: Well, the world of physiatry otherwise known as physical medicine and rehabilitation, really deals with the functional ability of our patients dependent on what their issue is. So whether it could be a traumatic brain injury, a stroke, any kind of acquired brain injury, which is the umbrella that both of those things fall under can lead to issues with pain, medical issues, difficulties with your mobility, difficulties with taking care of your own personal needs and physiatry addresses all of those things in different ways and essentially is the team leader for lots of different allied health professionals that work together in trying to maximize a person's ability and improvement after different catastrophic events like acquired brain injuries. 

Host: Now you see patients of all ages?

Gust: Typically at Gaylord, our youngest patients are 16 years of age, but we have not infrequently taken folks that are younger than that based on Medical Director review and often that is based on size and ability to have the proper equipment for whatever their needs are. So, by definition, our criteria is typically 16 but we have on occasion taken folks as young as 13 here.

Host: Wow. Now, have you seen a trend in the type of injuries that these young people are having?

Guest: I don't know so much as a trend. But certainly, we have had a steady stream over the years of sports-related injuries. Certainly, all-terrain vehicles have been a bit more common over the last few years than they were initially. And always motor vehicle accidents as well as bicycle accidents. So, we see it all. The stories we get here are truly amazing and that's why I tried to keep my boys in bubble wrap, but it doesn't work. 

Host: Yeah, I'm sure the gamut of recovery is sort of dependent on the person. But are there any stories that really stick out in your mind of patients who have just come leaps and bounds from when they first got to Gaylord?

Guest: Megan, I have so many of those stories, which is why I've been here for more than 29 years. I see patients that are teenagers that still come back and just make my day when they visit just to say thank you and let us know how well they're doing. And I see octogenarians that continue to do well and come back and tell us "thank you" for helping them get back to what they wanted to do. So being able to span that many decades of different patient populations and allowing us to be part of who they are and how they progress because of some devastating injury is really quite a privilege and very, very special. 

Host: And I stopped by your office last week and there's not a space left on your board of the thank you cards or pictures or just little blurbs about different patients that you've made an impact on during that 29 and a half years.

Guest: Again, I think those are the things that keep somebody coming back to work every day. Getting those little note cards. I think I also showed you some of the frayed note cards that are in my pockets that I wear in my white coat every day every now and then if I need a little inspiration, I reach into my pockets and look at some of those cards and again, looking up from my desk, I see pictures of people's weddings that came to pass after a devastating injury that I was part of their progress and improvement. 

Host: So that was one of the secrets I was going to have you share is I could not believe you actually still have these frayed cards in your white coat that you carry around with you from these patients.  

Guest: There are certain things that you just can't part with and you never forget. And some of those cards just mean more to me than anything of just the impact that you can have on certain people's lives. Again, it's a privilege and something I never want to take for granted. 

Host: And I think that's all a part of the Gaylord culture here because I feel it too. I mean the impact that you have on these people and the way that they come back and share their thank-yous with you and their success stories and keep in touch is just beyond heartwarming. 

Guest: And again, if I if we go back to the beginning of our conversation and I tell you that I felt that the first time I was here and to know that that feeling was true, that it was real and that I have been able to be a part of it. I feel very, very blessed. 

Host: I would absolutely agree. I've been here almost 10 years and the same reason I've stayed is this is just like yours. It's just that feeling that you get that you're helping people in a way that you never thought imaginable, and you never thought that you could actually be that kind of circuit for them to get them better. 

Guest: See now you surprised me, I can't believe you've only been here for 10 years because I feel like you've been here forever! 

Host: Yes, it does feel like it's my whole career, but I was in different places for about five years before that, and then sort of happened upon this place, Gaylord gets under your skin, that's a great way to put it! Yeah, absolutely. And you've also worked with someone? Um, right by your side almost this whole time, Mr. Mark Powers.

Guest: Mr. Mark Powers is a physician's associate. We work together. We started working together very soon after I started here. And it truly is crazy that we are working together still 29 years later and we finish each other's thoughts. We finish each other's sentences and it's really just an incredible experience having that work relationship with somebody. And we are a very, very good team. I think I'd like to think that we are. And I am lost when he is not here and he is lost when I am not here. But people need time off every now and then. 

Host: Right. Yes, definitely. 

Guest: He is the ultimate advocate for patients and families. He will do anything for those that he serves. And he's just a brilliant clinician and I respect him incredibly. 

Host: Was he here when you started or did you start at the same time? He has been here a couple of years longer than I have. So, he had already been working with some of the other practitioners and was a little bit hesitant that there was going to be a new lady in town when I first started in here and made it very plain to those around him that he wasn't going to take anything from the new doctor that was coming on board. And we laugh about that all the time. 

Host: So did you click right away or did it take some time for you to break down his walls? 

Guest: We clicked right away. We did, which if anybody, anybody who knows Mark, it's amazing that we clicked right away because he's a tough cookie to crack and we did.

Host: He is, but if he's listening right now, he's got that softy part inside of him. 

Guest: He will turn five shades of red and laugh if and when he hears this.  

Host: For sure. Yeah. And your plans are to stay. I'm hoping, you and Mark you got this thing down.

Guest: We have this thing down and I think they'll carry us both out and probably carry us both out on the same day. 

Host: Wasn't that a statement to be written down!

Guest: We’ve made a pact. We're a package deal. 

Host: Oh, I love it. Oh, that's brilliant to just to have and in the care of the patients on your floor to have that consistency and have that kind of respect for each other's profession and what you guys do together to make the process work to get these patients better. 

Guest: We're very blessed. We work with a great team on the brain injury unit. Our nurses are fantastic. They know who we are, we know who they are. And again we work together I think really nicely as a team.

Host: We see it too as I'm an occupational therapist and we see that bond and how well you work because you even take into consideration what we do as therapists and come to the gym and your present for the patient's treatment sessions. And that just shows so much dedication and commitment to their whole process of rehabilitation, not just what you're doing for them on the unit. You also come down to the gym and watch them kind of grow and get better.  

Guest: That's part of being a physiatrist, being in the gym and seeing how our patients are working with the different therapeutic staff and interventions and how they respond is part of being a rehabilitation specialist. And if we don't go to the gym, we're not doing our job. So it's part of who we are, how we're trained and we reap the benefit of that. And I'd like to think both the staff and the patients reap the benefit of that daily. 

Host: Oh absolutely. You can see the patients just kind of perk up too and they want to do the best that they can while you're watching and it just helps guide our therapy too, it keeps pushing us to push the patient's harder. We want to all get them better. It's also really exciting over the years that I've been here the various and new technology that we've gotten and have been able to use with our patients in the gym, in the therapeutic environment has just been phenomenal, and seeing how the technology interacts with the patient and the patient interacts with the technology. It's just great. It's awesome! 

Host: It is. We can be safer about getting people on their feet faster. We have something called the Zero G which is basically an antigravity support system overhead and we get the patients walking so much quicker that way and can sort of focus on technique more than just sort of hauling them out of the chair. 

Guest: So the literature is really, really clear the more aggressive we are with our patients and the more we focus on repetitive activities, which the technology allows you to do without needing to rely on an exhausted therapist on an ongoing daily basis is very, very beneficial to the functional improvements of our patients. So we see it and the literature is very clear about the benefits of that with our patient population. 

Host: Yeah, we use the BITS to the Bioness Integrated Technology, which can be used for a lot of different things, but it was mostly for vision therapy, but it ends up being a balance, coordination, a speed, a reaction time sort of memory test as well, all in one and it gets the patient's invested because they're doing something, sort of video gameish. 

Guest: And again, watching the patients interact with the therapists and the technology down in the gym is great and it gives us a picture of how folks are improving what their ongoing deficits are. And it also helps us educate the family about things that need to be worked on and how they're progressing. So it's all part of the whole package of what we do for our patients. 

Host: You’re right and Gaylord, I mean, you've seen the progression for 30 years, how technology has sort of made its way into where it is today. So, have you found that these technologies have really, truly benefited our population?

Guest: It's hard to imagine that they don't. Again, the literature is a bit vague on whether or not it's the specific technology or just the ability to do repetitive activities that are beneficial to the patients. But whatever it is, as long as we can keep having the patients repeat activities, and do the muscle memory progression of the different aspects of mobility and self-care that they are addressing in the therapeutic environment, we're going to go with it. 

Host: And of course, I mean, I can't see you not but recommending Gaylord to any of our listeners out there who have either siblings or sons, daughters, anyone, family members that have had a stroke or brain injury and are looking for a place with intense rehab. I mean this is it. 

Guest: Yes, I invested in who we are and what we do. But I also see our patients and all of our physiatrists for the most part see our patients. So it is not uncommon that we see folks for years on end after they have been on our inpatient units. And we often see people just as initial assessments on the outpatient units. So we have lots of that technology also for outpatients. So depending on what the particular needs are of the folks that we see. We have lots at our fingertips to try. 

Host: Yeah. It all includes a very, very intense rehab that's really important for our people out there who just don't know where to go or know who to turn to or where to look. So it's good for them to know that.

Host: There's lots of stuff on our website. Lots of information. So even if our location isn't ideal we have ideas and resources and manuals on the website with lots of information. We also have you know different folks that are always willing to speak to people to help provide information to help both families, as well as survivors, advocate for themselves. 

Guest: Yeah. And reach out right call Gaylord, let us help you, let us help you find something in your area to maybe we have referral sources or people that we have connections with too that can help if anyone is out there looking for some kind of help for their loved ones or any kind of information on stroke, brain injury, spinal cord injury. We have medically complex patients. The whole gamut of the medical field. 

Host: So as far as s in looking back over the last, you know, half an hour that we've been chatting. What are some of the things that especially made Gaylord's Brain Injury Program especially unique? 

Guest: Well, Gaylord has the only transitional living house in the state of Connecticut, Traurig, which has the ability to take eight survivors either from the inpatient unit at Gaylord or from other institutions in the state of Connecticut. Patients participate in either a cognitive day treatment program or an aphasia day treatment program and it really is a wonderful bridge to ultimate discharge back to their home environment. So that's been just fascinating to be able to refer patients from the inpatient unit to Traurig and see them to continue to improve in all areas that we started to work on as an inpatient and then go back to their community. So that's been very, very exciting.  

Host: Yeah, and I've been over there, it's sort of like a dorm room house, right? Like you get a little bedroom and they have a community kitchen, you make meals together. 

Guest: It's very, very special. Again, it is literally a house, there are four double bedded rooms and the patients have to work on their meals and set schedules and they participate in both individual as well as group therapies throughout the day. That is really unique that you can actually stay at a house on campus and then go to outpatient therapies in our Gaylord outpatient department. And have that kind of continuum of care spread across outside of the inpatient setting. 

Guest: It is a very unique program. 

Host: Yeah. And what is the age range of patients typically seen at Gaylord? 

Guest: As I mentioned before, 16 year old typically is the youngest by our admission criteria. But I have had numerous patients well into their nineties, especially over the last decade or so. As people are living longer and we're doing a better job at providing preventive healthcare. Patients are remaining active longer and living much longer. So we see the whole spectrum from young to quite elderly. 

Host: Oh, yes, absolutely. I mean our bulk is like in that 40-60 range. We go up to 100 at times. We really see people of all ages. 

Guest: I'm always amazed by some people that are still working well into their 80s or managing their own affairs well into their 90s. I find them quite inspiring.  

Host: Absolute. They always have little tidbits to share too little secrets of life. 

Guest: Well, we always need to learn something from people that have been through more than we have and we see them here all the time. 

Host: Yes, that is very special. I love that about this place too. So Dr. Sicklick, thank you so much for taking the time to share. So thank you Dr. Sicklick, for coming in and doing this podcast with us and sharing all of your expertise and opinions about brain injury and how this field has grown over the last 30 years. We really, we enjoyed having you. I enjoyed speaking with you. 

Guest: My pleasure. Megan. Thank you so much for the invitation. I really appreciate it. 

Host: We just, I just have one more quick question. So if you have time actually to, so one would what would you want your great-grandkids to know about you? 40 years from now?

Guest:  Jeez, I would want them to know that I was a great mom who loved my kids and wanted kids always. And they have been my greatest pleasure. And also that I really love my job, that I love helping people with acquired brain injuries. And it truly has been a great passion and a pleasure to be here for what I think will be my entire career. 

Host: I think your legacy will truly show that. And then obviously everyone really wants to know who wins all the arguments in your house, the lawyer or the doctor. 

Guest: Oh, that's an easy one. The lawyer wins every single argument. I think in my next life, I'm going to come back as a lawyer because the ability of lawyers to pose things in a way different than everybody else on the planet never ceases to amaze me, so, hands down. 

Host: I am married too and I can never win anything around the house. 

Guest: I don't even try anymore.  

Host: I’ll learn someday. 

Host: Well, thank you again. Doctor like, like I appreciate you being here. Thank you. 

Host Thank you all for listening to our second episode of the Think first Gaylord series from our Gaylord Specialty Healthcare podcast. We truly appreciate Dr. Sicklick coming and spending the time to tell us more about Gaylord Hospital and all the resources we have. And we would love to help you all out. If you have family members or loved ones who are experiencing anything between pulmonary, cardiac, and neurological deficits. Just go to our website www.gaylord.org and it will show you all kinds of resources that can help you out.  

Host: Thank you for tuning into the Gaylord Specialty Healthcare podcast. We hope that you will join us again to hear more stories that bring hope, insight, and a message of belief that life after a traumatic injury or illness is possible!

Host: Welcome to the Gaylord Specialty Healthcare podcast. This podcast will feature patients, families, and medical professionals dealing with serious illnesses or injuries and is meant to inspire, bring hope, insight, and a message of belief that life after a traumatic illness is possible. 
 
 Host: Welcome back to the Gaylord Specialty Healthcare podcast. I'm your host Megan Palmer for the ThinkFirst series. Today I'd like to introduce Caitlin Boland to all our listeners. Caitlin is actually a physical therapist at Gaylord Specialty Healthcare and has been working here for almost 10 years. She has experience treating patients with brain and spinal cord injuries and is our wheelchair seating and positioning specialist, Caitlin, welcome to our podcast, and thank you so much for coming in today to share about yourself and how treating these brain and spinal cord patients have really become your niche. 

Guest: Thanks for having me.

Host: Of course, why don't you tell everyone actually, what is physical therapy?

Guest: So physical therapy is basically movement therapy helping people regain function and strength and improve quality of life.  

Host: All right, so tell us a little bit about what kind of populations you work with here at Gaylord. 

Guest: So, I see a little bit of everything. I am split between the brain injury and the spinal cord units. So, I have a couple of patients on each floor, typically. 

Host: So what kind of populations do you work with here at Gaylord?

Guest: So, I'm actually split between for rehab patients split between the spinal cord injury and brain injury floors. I have a couple of patients of each on each floor. I also work with medically complex patients. So, patients on ventilators or multiple wounds, things like that. 

Host: And you love brain injury and spinal cord injury the best or you would honestly treat whomever - as a physical therapist?

Guest: I would say. Yeah, I love brain injury and spinal cord injury the best. 

Host: And did you always like this population, did you know you wanted to work with these patients way back in college? 

Guest: So actually, when I was first looking at going to college for physical therapy, I was looking at becoming an outpatient therapist. So, I injured my ankle playing soccer and kind of got into physical therapy that way and thought that that's what I was going to do. It wasn't until I did my internships the last year of college that I decided that this is really what I wanted to do and where I wanted to be. 

Host: Isn't that crazy how different like orthopedics is from neuro when you're treating those kinds of patients. 

Guest: So yeah, so different. It's a world of difference for that. Now did you, where did you pursue your physical therapy degree? 

Guest: I went to Springfield College in Massachusetts. 

Host: Oh, nice. Did you grow up in Mass or was that an out-of-state reach?  

Guest: I grew up in Connecticut. I have family that lives in Massachusetts very close to there, so that's kind of what brought me there. 

Host: Springfield College is my alma mater as well; I have to say, just a few years before you. And then getting out into the field was Gaylord your first job? Did you kind of like look around at the orthopedic world first? What did you, what did you do after college? 

Guest: Well, I was actually a student here at Gaylord, so this was my last clinical affiliation. So I interviewed, I think I interviewed before I left here, but there were no jobs open at that time. So when I got out of school, I worked at a sub-acute nursing facility for probably about three months until the job opened up here and then I came back. 

Host: Oh wow. So as soon as there is a spot here, you knew this was the place that you wanted to be?

Guest: Definitely. 

Host: And why is that? What do you like about Gaylord? 

Guest: Well, I think that the patient population here is just something that you don't see anywhere else. It was so rewarding when I was here as a student, just giving people their lives back, being able to get people to walk and home to their families. And it was just something that you don't see a lot of other places. 

Host: No, definitely not. And so it brought you back to that brain injury and spinal cord injury population. And what sort of intrigues you about brain injury patients? What do you love most about treating them? 

Guest: Well, I think brain injury and spinal cord injury, both when patients come here from the hospital, there's so much rehab potential for them and it's a challenge. You know, that you see different deficits that you wouldn't see in many of other populations, differences in tone and muscle strength. I think there's just a lot, everyone's a little bit different. So it makes you think on your toes, which is why I like both of them. 

Host: Yeah, you're learning something new every day, every day with these patients. And then also you've got like the families too right there trying to cope with their loved one’s injury and this new person because brain injury just completely changes that son, that daughter, whoever from who they used to be. How do you help the families in that situation as well? 

Guest: I think, you know, it's really rehab for everyone. I think now is kind of a tough time with COVID and not being able to have as many family members or friends here as we typically have seen before. But even in working with patients with brain injury with spinal cord injury, just being able to, you know, contact their family regularly, and let them know about progress, providing education to all who are involved. We have a lot of support groups here. So making sure that families can get involved with that as well. 

Host: That's true. What do you see as far as trends like how di young people get hurt? How do they hurt their heads? What are you seeing out there? 

Guest: Oh gosh, a little bit of everything! Car accidents, a lot of falls, you know, just walking or falls out of a tree, lots of different things. 

Host: Could be substance abuse or just young kids kind of being around negative decision-making with their peers and things like that really can lead to some crazy things that they do.

Guest: Definitely, we see it all.  

Host: We certainly do! What are some of the tips or tricks that you have to work with someone who's so extremely behavioral or combative and they're just, you know, that's not really them? But how do you get them to move through those stages and get towards being better? 

Guest: Well, I think it's a little bit different for everyone....but you also find that...a lot of times I'll think, you know what if this was me or my family member, how would I want to be treated or what kind of thing would calm me down. So, I think it really helps to get to know the person that you're working with and know what they like, know what makes them happy, and have a lot of patience.  

Host: That's a great point like finding what they used to be involved in or things that they used to like in their own personal life to kind of help them in their therapy session. 

Host: That is super important definitely or like having the family too, bring in pictures and things that remind them of who they used to be. 

Guest: Yes, they need the motivation. 

Host: When do you see the most recovery with these patients? 

Guest: Well, with these patients usually, not necessarily all, of their recovery will take place while they're here. Recovery happens most rapidly within the first six months to a year out. But really, I mean the amount of progress that a lot of these patients make in just a month or two while they're here is amazing. 

Host: Absolutely. It's a sort of a lifelong process after that, just trying to get back to their life. I know you remember Courtney Beckwith quite well. Courtney was in a drunk driving accident and had a severe traumatic brain injury that left her in a coma for over a month, paralyzed her left side, and caused significant brain damage. And you and I, Caitlin, were actually her primary therapists while she was here, can you believe that was eight years ago? Almost nine I think in May. 

Guest: Really? Yeah, wow, that was a long time ago. 

Host: But having her in our ThinkFirst presentations, I watched the videos and I see the pictures again, and it just brings back how real and how different Courtney was initially after that injury. Like is she one of the bigger patients that really sticks out in your mind rehabbing traumatic brain injury?

Guest: Yes, absolutely. From when we first met her, she hadn't been out of bed, she required two of us to help her set up and now even when she comes back for appointments or anything seeing her walking through the hallway, it's amazing. 

Host: I know what were some of her behaviors that you remember that we had to work through? 

So, Courtney had something called a diffuse axonal injury, right? The DAI. Where basically when she was in that car accident when her car stopped her brain didn't and it hit all sides of her skull causing bleeding and bruising all over. Now we know, the brain controls everything about our body the way we move, the way we think. It really greatly affected Courtney's personality, her impulse control, and her behaviors. And so what were some of those things Caitlin that we really dealt with while we were trying to rehab Courtney?

Guest: It definitely changed throughout her stay. When she first got here. She would do things like bite or pull hair. She couldn't talk when she first got here when we started hearing her voice. She was very - she had a very flat affect. So there wasn't much. She wasn't smiling a lot. There wasn't really any range of personality. And then as she continued throughout her stay it was really interesting to see how that changed and how she got a little bit of that back and she would joke and she would smile and it was really interesting.

Host: I'm sure like as a parent too, now you have kids as well, like watching your child go through this recovery process, never having treated a brain injury patient before is just so scary for her parents to be like, that's not my Courtney. I remember just trying to help them get through it too, just justifying that this really is not your daughter, she's just trying to heal that brain is trying to heal.

Guest: It's now having kids and thinking about it is, yeah, it's scary. 

Host: It wasn't a perspective like, yeah, you know, this is the reality of these injuries and how they can kind of steal your baby away, and Courtney obviously evolved into - she can walk, she can talk, she's presenting at some of our presentations now, but that took a long time and that's the process with these brain injury patients that we work with and then, you know, switching gears a little bit, you also treat patients with spinal cord injury. Now, that's a huge debilitation, you know, they're either paralyzed on all four extremities, arms, and legs or maybe just two and can't walk anymore. But what do you love about treating those kinds of patients? 

Guest: Well, spinal cord injury, there's so many different, again, everybody presents a little bit differently. I will say what I like about spinal cord injury is it's very, the movements that you teach are very, very calculated. It's definitely like, you know, it's not just getting up and trying to have somebody walk and move their legs for them or something. You really have to teach people how to use what muscles they do have. 

Host: So it's very strategic.

 Guest: Yes, strategic, that’s the word. And so, you know, you have to teach the strategy and it's really, you're teaching somebody how to get through their daily life and you know, using only what they have and it's a lot for them. I think mentally, you know, it's a lot to take it all in and be so new out of injury and then have to learn a whole new way of movement. But it's again it can be very rewarding to help people get back to moving independently. 

Host: And you really have to know your stuff too as a therapist. Like what muscles do, what movement, and how you can use them to compensate for others. 

Guest: Oh yes, definitely. It's interesting now that, you know, I feel like in the beginning, I had to, you know, look it up. So where you know, somebody had an injury at the, in the thoracic spine, in the, in the middle of the spine basically, you know, what muscles might they have and what don't they? And now it's all just like second nature it's great and that's so different than ortho so different, right?  

Host:  I mean, Ortho injuries, what would that entail? 

Guest: So an orthopedic injury would be like a broken bone or muscle. Yeah, strains, ligamentous tears, tears, things like that a lot of times as we know with broken bones, you know, 6 to 8 weeks, typically, things heal and you have to strengthen your muscles maybe, but usually, it's a little bit of smooth sailing after that. Whereas brain injury, spinal cord injury, and these neurological diagnoses, it's just definitely a longer road to recovery. 

Host: Yeah, You're, once you're injured, basically you're injured, injured for life, like, right, you know, that the nerves and the way that the brain interprets them and how they move their muscles and body. Again, it's just different. Just is not the same person as they were before that injury. 

Host: So you're right, you get up and you heal and then you walk, you play sports again, like whatever it is very, very different. And with spinal cord injury patients, what do you see as the trends for them getting hurt? How do they get these injuries? 

Guest: Oh gosh, a little bit of everything. Again, definitely a lot of car accidents, I've seen, like swimming and diving accidents, you know, we see a lot of things that the unheard of. So like a surgery that might have ended with some complications or, again, you know, looking at substance abuse and just bad decisions that people make or a fall that somebody might have had and you name it. 

Host: And unfortunately like gunshot wounds too.  That seems to be, it's always been big...we're hearing about it a lot more. The awareness of it is a lot more. And then you actually got your certification in wheelchair seating and positioning, correct?

Guest: Yes, I got my "assistive technology professionals" which is what it's called. So it's wheelchair seating and positioning somewhat. But it's also a lot of communication devices and things like that as far as assistive technology is concerned. 

Host: Well, that's really cool. So like what kind of things do you do for the chairs or think, what do you help? How do you help people with that specialty?

Guest: So I do all of the evaluations for custom wheelchairs for inpatients here at Gaylord. I oversee our fleet of custom wheelchairs that we have for patient use. I help basically I am the go-to person for anyone if they need any sort of special seating for a patient while they're here.  

Host: And you have to order a lot of these custom wheelchairs. How does someone actually qualify for one of those? 

Guest: So it depends on, it honestly depends a lot on the diagnosis. Insurance will cover things based on somebody's diagnosis and then we have to just justify things medically. So, if somebody needs a power wheelchair, we would have to make sure that we would rule out why a person can't walk, why a person can't propel a manual chair, and then qualify them for this power chair.

Host: that seems to be a difficult job. 

Guest: It is, it is again; it's very rewarding though because you're giving these people their mobility back. So it's it can be a lot of paperwork and a lot of fighting with insurance companies but worth it.

Host: That's a huge part of them becoming independent, again regaining mobility, being able to come like, just even seeing them in and out of the gym by themselves from their room down to the gym and back is a huge eye-opener and a big part of being independent when they've been stuck in a hospital bed, for so long after their injury.

Guest: Absolutely. For so long after their injury. 

Host: Yeah, these people are amazing things that they can do, and the things that we watched them do, it just, and it’s still incredible every day, definitely. And so we had mentioned earlier your mom of two now, correct? Yeah, we've got little ones, how old are they now? 

Guest: Three years and the other one is 10 months old as of today. 

Host: Oh my gosh! Happy birthday, Carter. How do you think treating patients with this diagnosis has influenced your parenting? 

Guest: Oh wow. Well, I think that it's taught me to have a lot of patience, again, you know with my kids. It's also made me, I guess, not take things for granted. You know, you see how things can just get ripped away from people very quickly and I think that it really makes me cherish what I have. And I also think that you just want to keep your kid in a little bubble. You know you hear all these things that happen and you're like, wow! Like my daughter is three, but when she's 16 and driving, I am following her around!

Host: No car for you, no keys!

Guest: Exactly! 

Host. No, it’s true. You have to weigh like benefits of knowing about this information and seeing these patients, but also just living your real daily life. Yeah, that's a tough one. I feel the same way. And is there any like favorite patient story that sticks out in your mind that you have, that you really want to share with us?

Guest: Oh gosh, I have a lot of favorite stories. A lot of favorite patients. Courtney is always a top one. She really, I mean made a complete turnaround. She is just amazing and everything that she's doing now and I love that she's using her brain injury to teach others, which is great. I recently had a patient discharged after being in the hospital for almost a year and was able to return to her two young kids that she had at home. Walking climbing stairs, she was amazing. She is one of the hardest workers I have ever met every day. She gave it 100% what she what kind of diagnosis that she had. She had a very complex medical history which left her with severe weakness to the point that when she got here, she could barely move her legs. She had wounds all over her feet. And I think when I first met her, because she actually started here before I came back from maternity leave, and when I first met her, she was just working on getting up to standing in the parallel bars for the first time. So she just...it was amazing.

Host: And that's why you do what you do right? 

Guest: Absolutely. 

Host: Would you recommend physical therapy to other listeners out there who might be searching for a career, looking into the health care field? 

Guest: Absolutely. I think there are so many different avenues within physical therapy, you know, you don't you don't have to work in a hospital but I would obviously recommend it. But there are so many different things you can do with it. There's you can work in outpatient therapy, home care, in a hospital setting, inpatient rehab setting, there are just so many different things you can do with it. 

Host: And what would you suggest? How do they start that process of like going towards physical therapy? 

Guest: I think that the best thing to do is to shadow, to contact a local facility or whether inpatient or outpatient, but just to shadow a therapist and see what it is they do every day. 

Host: Oh definitely kind of get your feet wet, see if it's something for you, and then look into schools or colleges that have it. 

Guest: And I think most schools now are actually requiring people to have shadow hours before they commit. 

Host: Yeah, because I think PT is now a doctorate program, correct, everywhere. So that's a big commitment for somebody for financial reasons for school for time. So yeah, you really want to know that you like it before you get into it, definitely. But so rewarding.

Guest: So rewarding. 

Host: And to everyone out there, I just have to read this card that Caitlin shared with me. It just really sums up how much of a difference you make in people's lives and what you mean to them as a physical therapist. You know, you're not only their therapist, you become part of their family and their recovery and like this big chapter in their life when they're dealing with something so awful to make something beautiful out of it. So, I just would love to share this card if you don't mind. It says “Dear Caitlin, I don't even know where to begin working with you has been such a blessing. You've challenged me and encouraged me. You lifted me up when I've felt down and you've always had a positive word to share. You have been my biggest cheerleader and celebrated all of my triumphs. You made me feel safe and provided a secure environment for me to heal. I've greatly enjoyed getting to know you and swapping stories of life and motherhood. I don't think I could have done this without you. I will be forever grateful to have had you as my physical therapist.” That is so touching. You must have just gotten this card and melted.

Guest: Well yeah, now that you read it out loud, I got a little teary there.

Host: It's just so beautifully written and just like expels exactly how you can make a difference in someone's life. So after hearing this out loud and maybe it was easier when you read it to yourself. 

Guest: I think it was. 

Host: How does this job really impact you emotionally?

Guest: I mean these people, we see them every day and they become our family. I mean it's hard, it's hard to leave it all at work with this job. You do go home and have thoughts of your patients and you know, I hope the best for them and when they leave I mean we're so happy for them that they get to leave and go home. But we miss them. 

Host: Yeah, you're like, now it just ends right? Just sort of let them free like a little bird. You know, flies out of the nest. 

Guest: You know, always like here's my information. Please reach out and let me know how things are going. I want to hear from you. 

Host: And that's the amazing part of what we do and keeps us coming back for more right. 

Guest: Yes.

Host: Well Caitlin, that pretty much sums up exactly what I feel from you to just working with you every day upstairs and I'm so happy you got to share it with all of our listeners out there. 

Guest: Me too.  

Host: So thank you so much for coming on. And we hope you guys all enjoyed this podcast series about physical therapy and we hope to hear from you again soon. 

Guest: Well, thank you for having me. 

Host: You're welcome! 

Host: Thank you for tuning into the Gaylord Specialty Healthcare podcast. We hope that you will join us again to hear more stories that bring hope, insight, and a message of belief that life after a traumatic injury or illness is possible. 

Host: Welcome to the Gaylord Specialty Healthcare Podcast. This podcast will feature patients, families, and medical professionals dealing with serious illnesses or injuries and is meant to inspire, bring hope, insight, and a message of belief that life after a traumatic illness is possible.
 
I am your host, Megan Palmer, an occupational therapist at Gaylord and the ThinkFirst program coordinator. The ThinkFirst Association is a nationwide organization devoted to preventing brain and spinal cord injury among our youth and spreading awareness of the consequences of risky behavior. Our first several episodes will feature the ThinkFirst program where we will talk with former patients, physicians, and family members who have been directly affected by traumatic brain and spinal cord injuries. 

So whether you're listening in as a former or current patient, you're a mom, a dad or a family member of someone with a brain or spinal cord injury or you're exploring career options in the health field. This special series will highlight those split-second decisions that can alter or change a life forever. 

Host: Hartford Current January 2nd, 2008. Headline: “Crash wrong way on I-84.” "Five people were severely hurt when a 20-year-old Cheshire man driving the wrong way on I-84 early New Year's day slammed head-on into a car and then crashed into a second one. Police said investigators could not say how Ryan Tapp ended up driving eastbound in the westbound lanes because he was so badly injured they couldn't question him." 

Today folks, we have Ryan Tapp here with us today to tell his story of how drunk driving and traumatic brain injury have impacted his life. Hi Ryan, welcome to the show. 

Guest: Hi, thank you for having me. 

Host: Thank you for coming today! We are so excited because you are a miracle first of all. You have been through a traumatic accident and have come out probably a better person than you were before the accident. Would you agree? 

Guest: Without a doubt. 

Host: Why don't you tell our listeners a little bit about your story? What happened to you? 

Guest: Well, on New Year's Eve of 2007 and going into 2008, I was doing what any 20-year-old does at that time. We were having a party, we were drinking, we were drinking heavily. I was at Central Connecticut State University celebrating with a bunch of friends and it was a bigger celebration just because I was a month away from deploying with my Marine Corps unit to Iraq. So we are going hardcore, I guess you could say in it was probably one of the best nights of drinking I've ever had, and for some reason around 3 a.m. I don't remember any of this. I don't know anything about how or why I even left, but I decided to get into my car and get on the highway and I from what I read from the police report, I got on the highway going the right way but around exit 32 on I-84 I ended up just doing a U-turn and going the wrong way for a couple of miles before I smashed into one car that sent me rolling on top of another. 

Host: And you don't recall any of that?

Guest: I have no idea. I don't recall any of it. There's no recollection. And with my injury, I don't even remember two months before the accident. 

Host: Now you were in a coma?

Guest: I was in a coma for three weeks, two weeks of my own, and then a week of medical [coma] to help me heal and then bring my brain back down. It was swelled up so much they had to drill a hole into it. And the doctors, the first things they told my parents were they don't know if I'm even going to make it the night. 

Host: That call, I can't imagine your poor parents listening to that phone ring and having to respond to their child, you know, grasping onto life for the night. 

Guest: Yes, it's been 13 years since the accident. And they still bring it up quite a bit. And it still gets them almost into tears every single time they talk about it because they literally almost lost me. 

Host: I can only imagine that pain now after Hartford after coming out of the medical coma. Where did your rehab go from there? How are you back to where you are today? 

Guest: Well after the month, I was at Hartford and then I went to Gaylord Hospital where I had to learn how to basically be born again. I was 20 at the time and I was an infant. I couldn't even hold my head up. I couldn't talk I couldn't do anything. I was just lying there unable to move and Gaylord taught me everything. From the first thing I started doing was giving a thumbs up. Two of my physical therapists and occupational therapists were helping me just hold my head up and if you could see the video of just how I looked it was just it was hard. I couldn't do anything and I was trying, and I couldn't even figure it out how to do it. They had to really do it for me. So I could relearn to make the connections in my brain and really relearn how to do it all. 

Host: Now do you remember that part of your rehab or is that sort of from the videos and pictures you've seen? 

Guest: I do not remember most of Gaylord. I only remember probably the last week or two there before I was discharged And most of it's hard to tell if what I remember are the videos that have been recorded of me or if it's actual memories.

Host: Right, and how long were you at Gaylord? 

Guest: A little less than a month wow that is a fast recovery for the state and condition that you were in. I got to say I owe this all to my parents. They literally were there every day during therapy and at night they would really hammer it down and put me through it all again. Just to help expedite the healing and try to get me back to some condition. 

Host: Now you went home independent or no? 

Guest: No, no, I was I was sent home. They sent me home because my mother was a nurse and I think they just trusted her and her instincts and her job title of being the commander in the navy as a nurse in the navy that she would be able to take care of me. 

Host: Were you walking when you were able to go home? 

Guest: Yes, I left the hospital actually running. 

Host: Oh!

Guest: I know. I know. It's kind of, I still remember, I do remember some of those videos of just me running through the hallways doing some stuff. Just some exercises with, Pete, my physical therapist. 

Host: Oh yes. He is quite memorable too. Now when you got home did your therapy stop?

Guest: I started doing outpatient therapy where I actually did that for about eight more months. 

Host: And then by that time do you feel like your therapy was done or you were still living with some impairments from the traumatic brain injury?

Guest: I'm still living with some impairments from the traumatic brain injury. It's a never-ending battle. It's kind of like a puzzle piece with a missing piece. It just never goes back to the way it was. 

Host: So, you're always a little different. 

Guest: Always a little different. What it used to be, it's hard to tell because I've lost a lot, but I've gained so much more just because I no longer drink, I no longer do anything reckless like that. I have a family and now knowing now having a son, I can't imagine putting my parents through what I put them through. 

Host: Well, you see through a different set of eyes now, right? Your perspective and insight on parenthood and growing up and having someone else to take care of besides yourself is a whole different world. What is as far as what you're living with today, what are the impairments that you still struggle with

Guest: The most right now is just memory is the big thing. It's a, when I'm tired you could see it, it takes me just a lot longer to pull it up. It's a kind of like, my brain is in a fog a lot, like it's always on the tip of my tongue, but it just takes me a lot longer to pull it to where I needed to speak it out. 

Host: Got it. Any physical impairments? 

Guest: No, physically, I'm actually in good shape, I've worked very hard. My dad threw me right into the gym when I got home from the hospital and I've been going since then and I feel like if I stop, it may go back. But other than that I just have some nerve damage in my shoulder. That makes one arm go a little bit higher. But physically I'm pretty good.

Host: And no broken bones from the accident way back? 

Guest: That's a godsend. There are no broken bones. Uh, the only cut I had was from my seat belt, which, thank God, I remembered to put that one on.

Host: Wow!

Guest: Yeah, it's hard too. I have a feeling most of the no broken bones were because I was that drunk that I didn't tense up at all when I got into the accident. 

Host: Gotcha. And your head injury was from hitting the windshield or the steering wheel? Do you know?

Guest: From what I was told from what the doctor said, they said my brain was kind of like a lottery ball. So like before a lottery ball is picked they're just bouncing around and that's exactly what my brain was doing in my skull. It was just bouncing around with every roll, every stop, every sudden jerk. My brain was just slamming against my skull 

Host: So the seatbelt kept you in the seat safe in the driver's seat.  But it was the motion of the car and the speed that you were going that really made that bruising and bleeding and everything around your brain. 

Guest: Yes. And from what I was told, I was doing about 80 to 90 mph. When I suddenly stopped, 

Host: That's fast to just come to a halt like that. 

Guest: Yes, it's a, there's no reason I should be here right now. 

Host: Right. That's why I said, you are definitely a miracle to be living breathing. Like you said, have a family and just be on the other side of this kind of a better person. And after all this rehab, eight months later, you're at home. What are, what happened? What were the consequences of your drunk driving accident hitting other people? 

Guest: Yeah, I took a little bit of time and a cop finally came to my door and they arrested me. They sent me, my court cases were about to start and for a couple more months I had to go to court every once in a while and wait for the verdict and wait for everything to be finished. 

Host: So...months after a traumatic brain injury where you were literally left lifeless. You are now in a courtroom, being questioned by a judge, and, what is going on in your head at that point? What are you thinking? 

Guest: I'm thinking I need to pay for what I did. I mean, I knew what I did was bad. I knew it was completely all my fault. There was no one else to blame. This was even how drunk I was. It was still my choice and I knew I had to pay for it. My lawyer told me that I'd probably just get probation with community service hours and maybe a little fine, but I was not ready for what actually happened. On the day of the, what's it called, the hearing, to finish it up. The judge's words were, I'm going to use you to make an example, And she just did just that she sentenced me to five years suspended after 18 months in prison, with five years probation, 500 hours of community service, and paying back whatever restitution my insurance didn't cover for the victims. 

Host: That's a hard pill to swallow. 

Guest: So I had to look back at my mother and let her know that it's going to be okay that I'll be fine. God's got this. And I went right into the holding cell and they sent me right to Hartford Correctional Facility. 

Host: So you walked into that hearing that day thinking that you were going to have probation and community service and you left with a sentence of five years in prison suspended after 18 months. There was no going home for you at that point.

Guest: Nope! I knew I went right to that cell and I just started praying. Really praying for just the sanity of my parents or my brothers.

Host: Wow! Now you went to Hartford, which seems like a pretty rough prison to be in, especially after a traumatic brain injury. How did you ensure your safety there? 

Guest: Now this is a God moment because my father when we lived in Florida a long time ago used to work with somebody who is now on the correctional committee in Connecticut and he got in contact with her and she got in contact with the Hartford warden and my parents were in constant communication with the warden from Hartford. And with the state I was in from my accident, it was not safe for me to be anywhere near any of those people, any of the people there, anyone at all. So the warden actually promised and did whatever they could. They put me in a nice 8 by 4 room by myself where I got the food, they gave me books and I was just there until they were ready to transfer me to the my the prison. I was going to say that for the rest of my service. 

Host: And why was it so important for you to be alone in an isolated room at that time in your recovery? 

Guest: Because one hit on my head, could just end it, it could have just killed me there. And the chance of that was pretty high. 

Host: That is a scary place to be in. Now you stayed for how long at Hartford prison?

Guest: I was at Hartford for about a week.

Host: And then you were transferred to…?

Guest: The Willard-Cylbuski facility in Enfield, Connecticut, which is from what I was told kind of a last stop. Like people who go there going home after that. So most people, they're well behaved, they don't want to mess up and it's a little safer. Their own little hospital in the area if they needed it. 

Host: Okay and how long were you there? 

Guest: I was there for nine months and one day. 

Host: What did you do with yourself for nine months and one day in prison?

Guest: Read. I read I worked out my brain. It was actually a blessing. I guess you could say because I, I took advantage of what I wouldn't have done if I was actually free. I've read, studied, and I memorized close to 50 Bible scriptures. I really worked out my brain and help me make those connections and get into the where I am today and now I'm now able to actually, I'm an apprentice at the local 777, where I'm almost done with becoming a journeyman and becoming a plumber and I wouldn't have been able to do that if I didn't work out my brain and really, really put the brain through all the memory, all the struggle of reading and everything to get back to where I am today. 

Host: That is a lot of self-driven motivation in a time where you probably needed the most help from other people. 

Guest: Yes. And I had that help. One of my pastors came to visit me every Friday really helped me teach the Bible. My parents were constantly visiting. I had friends visiting. There was always help. People are writing like crazy, sending the articles like I did fantasy football in prison. 

Host: Let's not glorify it, right? 

Guest: Yes, I made the best of my circumstances. 

 Host: Very good. And that speaks volumes about you and your personality and what you've become today too. Now you get out of prison, what's the next step? What do you do when you're home? 

Guest: It was a matter of, I don't know what I can do. So, I got a job just doing landscaping and helping with some yard work. Somebody I used to know who owns a business and I help them out for a little bit and then I tried to go back to school. I tried to go back to school seven months after my accident and I went back to Central Connecticut State University trying to do criminal justice and I completely failed to the point where we just kind of got rid of the semester, like it never even happened, it was just that bad. My brain wasn't even close to being able to handle everything I could. 

Host: Mhm.  

Guest: I just couldn't study, I couldn't have the concentration to focus during class. It was like a person with ADD kind of but to a little bit more of an extreme.

Host: And since then you've really worked with you know, doing other things besides school to get a job that's consistent and you are also trying to make a lot of money to do what? 

Guest: Pay off my restitution.

Host: Yeah. How much money was that? You had to pay back?

Guest: A little more than $11 grand, I believe. I remember. So every paycheck I got was just being sent away. 

Host: How many years did it take you to put that behind you? 

Guest: I finished it six months before my five years probation was over. So everything I didn't save money. I was 25 still living with my parents and I didn't have a cent to my name because everything I saved I sent away. 

Host: Gotcha. Have you tried to go back to school since?
 
 Guest: I have, I got my associates. I finished that up. I just took whatever credits I had and just got my associate's degree. Now I'm in free schooling with the union where they're just a really big blessing. 

Host: And in addition to that you've also given back and kind of made the most out of your situation by being one of our VIPs - our voices of injury prevention for the ThinkFirst program through Gaylord Hospital.  

Guest: Yes. I believe I was one of the first. 

Host: So how many years have you been a speaker for thing first? 

Guest: It's been probably 8 to 9 years. 

Host: Wow. And how has that changed you? What has that done for you? 

Guest: It's nice to see the faces of all the kids and actually seeing because I look like nothing ever happened to me. So I go into talk and they're like, oh, we're going to listen to somebody talk about drinking and driving, who hasn't done it been through anything. And then I show them my videos and my pictures, the picture of my car, which was literally just a smashed-up Jeep Liberty. You wouldn't even be able to tell it was a Jeep Liberty. And the picture, the videos of me learning to hold my head up again and walk and they're just like, so maybe this guy actually knows something. Maybe he's been through it. 

Host: Mm-hmm. 

Guest: I've had a lot of comments about people saying they would, it's changed their life that maybe they will not even think about picking up the first drink, which is something I wish I did. I wish I didn't, I didn't pick up that first drink when I was 14 or 15 years old. I really got into that bad habit of just drinking and partying all through high school and college and Marine Corps.

Host: So you think your story has influenced high schoolers and making better decisions throughout their, um, their time there, right?

Guest: Yes. And that's why I still do it. 

Host: So what's your take-home message for those kids?

Guest: Don't even pick it up. It's not worth it. Yeah. I even say, it's better to be home alone or just home with your parents or brothers than to be out drinking with your friends. You’ve got to pick the right people to actually be friends with, who actually care about you and your future because one mistake, it doesn't just affect you, it stops everyone's life. My mother retired my to take care of me. My father had to really work hard. So my medical bills were crazy, absolutely crazy. And now knowing from just having a baby and seeing how much that costs, what they paid for me was astronomical. 

Host: And how about your brothers? 

Guest: They had to go through just two of them in school at the time and with college and not anywhere near me there, one in Florida and one in North Carolina and they had to go through just living and hoping that I'd be better or actually make it through it. Well, I mean, I wish I could say that they didn't stop drinking. But to each, their own and they've made their own decisions.

Host: Gotcha. 

Guest: But they've been great all this time. 

Host: So this, this is a kind of a monumental experience for you. You've been through a horrible tragedy, you went to jail because of it. So you paid for the consequences of drinking and driving and now you are, you have a full-time job. You are a father, you are a husband and you're still helping me through ThinkFirst go out to those schools and promote your message to these children. You know, how has that made you look at life now from now into the future?

Guest: It makes me worried because now I have a son and knowing how I grew up, I know what to look for and or at least what to talk to him about. Because it's a scary world out there now and it doesn't seem like things are getting any better. 

Host: Mm-hmm. 

Guest: So it's a lot of trust in God and just go in the right direction and not the wrong way. 

Host: So I'm sure we have listeners from all different backgrounds right now. We may have people going through traumatic brain injuries. We may have family members listening. We may have you know other healthcare workers working with people with brain injury. To that 20-year-old learning to take their first step again after a traumatic brain injury or to that person struggling with their memory or the people in prison maybe even looking for some hope. What is your message to them? 

Guest: Don't give up. Just do the next right thing. Just keep moving, keep putting your foot forward. Keep…try to be better because it's kind of like a brain injury. It only gets as better with how much work you put into it. So if you don't do anything, you will stay the victim, you will stay hurt. You would stay injured.  Really put everything forward to get better. And because it's not just your life that matters, it's everyone around who cares about you or who has given their time for you. They all love you and you just got to get better. 

Host: I love that. That is perfect now to wrap this up, tell me what's harder boot camp or rehab after brain injury?

Guest: You see, I went to boot camp wanting that. I loved it. I loved the Marine Corps. It was difficult but I knew it was going to be difficult. Rehab is something I would never wish upon anyone. You know, it was hard, but I knew I had to do it just because I knew I had to get better and I and at that point, I wanted to get back into the Marine Corps. They took me back for a couple of months but they finally medically discharged me after they realized that my brain injury was just too severe and me being infantry... I didn't want to have one explosion. one loud noise that could just send me right back. Yeah, not worth the risk. And they thought so too. 

Host: So you have to give up your dream of being in the Marine Corps. 

Guest: So my accident, my decision to drink and drive made me lose my dream of serving in the Marine Corps. 

Host: Gotcha. Now you, I know it's not something that you can take back. But if you were back in your 15-16-year-old self. Are you happy with where you've ended up today? 

Guest: I'm happy where I am now because it's a great life. Things definitely would have been a lot different if I didn't get into the accident and it's hard to know actually where I would be because I was gun-ho. So I feel like something probably would have happened in Iraq or Afghanistan and who knows where I would have been. But either way, there's nothing I can do to change it. So yeah, I live in the moment, thankful for everything and I mean everything. Gosh, even prison I'm thankful for how much it really blessed me with working out my brain. 

Host: Well, you have shared quite a story, Ryan. Um, I want to wholeheartedly thank you for coming on our podcast today and I can't wait until our next presentation. Thank you. 

Guest: Thank you.

Host: Thank you all for listening and we hope you've been enlightened and encouraged by Ryan's story. In our next episode. I will be talking with Dr. Alyse Sicklick, who is the medical director of inpatient rehabilitation at Gaylord Specialty Healthcare in Wallingford, Connecticut. We will discuss her almost 30-year career that has been focused on traumatic brain injury and stroke rehabilitation. We will also delve into how her career path has impacted her personal and family life. See you then! 
 
 Thank you for tuning into the Gaylord Specialty Healthcare podcast. We hope that you will join us again to hear more stories that bring hope, insight, and a message of belief that life after a traumatic injury or illness is possible.

Host: Hello all and welcome back to our Gaylord Specialty Healthcare podcast. This is Megan Palmer occupational therapist hosting the Think First series and today we are here featuring Megan Ricci. She is actually one of our newly VIPs Voices of injury prevention for the Think First program who incurred a spinal cord injury, [and] spent a lot of time doing rehab and is now back on her feet again, which is a miraculous recovery. 

Host: So, Meagan, Welcome to the show! 

Guest: Hi, how are you?

Host: I want you to tell our listeners a little bit about yourself, kind of where you grew up, what your passions are. 

 Guest: Well, I'm Megan, and I love cheerleading. That's one of my passions. I'm from Waterbury. [and] 32 years old. I'm a case manager for dual-diagnosed clients in the community, but I didn't start there. I was an athlete in high school and then I moved in transition to the college scene. And I definitely met different colors of like people and characters and had different encounters that made me feel like helping people with something I wanted to do, especially because of my own life experiences. And so, from there I became the case manager I am today.

My injury occurred because I was doing my case management notes in my car for quietness and I was on the passenger side of my car because my key, I had a safety feature on the driver's side and I used the heated seats, so I fell asleep doing work, no seatbelt reclined back. And I woke up in the hospital six days later. 

I found out that someone that I knew, decided to take my car without my permission while I was sleeping and proceeded to go somewhere. They didn't make it five blocks before hitting a car at an intersection and then hitting a tree and then leaving me behind. A pedestrian gave me CPR and I crashed twice. They told my family I'd be brain-dead because of the lack of oxygen. But I have a 3.5 G. P. A. So, they were mistaken. And I broke my T3 to my T9 with a decompression of my T6 meaning that my T6 vertebrae were leaning against my spinal cord causing the damage and could have severed me if I wasn't sleeping. Sleeping saved my life. I had to decide whether I was going get fused or not and there wasn't really an option there. So, I got fused with my T4 to 8 with decompression at T6. I wore my shell, I don't remember the name of my shell…  

Host: It’s the TLSO. The Thoracic-Lumbar-Sacral Orthosis (TLSO).

Guest: It's like a ninja turtle shell. 

Host: Big, it goes from your neck down to the bottom of your spine 

Guest: And everyone used to make fun of me because I would have it super tight like a corset but I mean I just had to support myself because I'm trying to create stuff when I wasn’t supposed to. But I was in that. So, I woke up, I was in a coma for four days. I have a brain injury too that no one talks about because it's a miracle that I'm walking. But in reality, it's a miracle that I'm talking and I can go to school and function. Because although I have a little bit of memory issues, which probably is contributing to medicine more than the brain injury itself, the fact of the matter is that I probably shouldn't even be able to talk.

So, I overcame both of those situations, which was great and God is good for that, and came here on May 15 and started my recovery with you and Tim and BJ and everyone else. 

Host: Yeah, I was actually your therapist too. 

Guest: Yes, you were.  

Host: I don't know. I'm wondering. I'm sure some of our listeners are. How did you sleep through an accident like that or that someone started driving your car?

Guest: You know, I don't know. I was a heavy sleeper. I always have been. I worked three jobs. I scheduled days off, so I worked 29 days a month and I scheduled one day off to go to church, and see my mom who's passed away, so, I visited her. But other than that, one day I worked every day of the week. I had, like I said, three jobs, so I probably slept five hours a day, if that, and ran on coffee and energy drinks. 

Guest: So, like I said I fell asleep doing my work. The intention wasn't - I own a home on a dead end, so I was in my driveway - the intention was like you know, I'm Italian, so everyone comes over to the family house, and it's big, and everyone's loud and stuff and I could have [gone] to my condo but it was across town, so why I have a room here.  But I had to do my work, so I went outside to do the work. The intention was never to drive away or go anywhere or fall asleep in the car, it just happened and I have a bad habit. I've always had a bad habit, I love my car, I was always in my car, so I've always had a bad habit of falling asleep in my car. I'm comfortable with that because I worked out of my car, that's what case managers just do. So, I'm a traveler, so you know, I guess it was easy to fall asleep in the car because I've done it several times before. As far as sleeping through, I'm a heavy sleeper. The car was in 2017 so I rode smoothly till he hit something and I don't think that I would sleep the entire time. Like I don't remember anything except waking up in the hospital but they said I was combative with first responders, I was combative in the ER, and they had to sedate me. And then I was in my coma so there I think that um your mind tends to block out trauma and block out things to survive. And I think that my mind decided to not preserve those memories because they weren’t pleasant. 

I also think that it happened fast enough, that my awake response didn't happen fast enough and I think that I hit my head really hard, which knocked me out. So if I woke up I was knocked out, I think that when I did respond it was off adrenaline, like being revived um probably made me combative, I was shocked back to life. I don't remember any of that, I do remember hearing my mother and grandmother who were both passed away just rushing me. 

So, we all joke in my family that everyone has a Megan tone because I tend to be me. And so my mother would always have like this tone, like you know you're [going] to be in trouble tone. So eventually it was like come on Meg, let's go hurry up Meg. She hated being late and then it was like Meg let's go hurry up, like she was like really urgent, you can hear the urgency and the like we're [going] to be late kind of thing, and my grandmother just soothing her, like she's coming, Lucy, she's coming. So, I don't really know what that was about. I don't know if it's my subconscious, you know, making it up. I am a religious person and a person of faith. I believe that they were pushing me to stay where I was so that I could be revived. I always joke with people and say, you know, I was too bad for hell, the devil didn't want me and God wasn't ready for me yet. So, I got sent back here. That's why I could pass away so many times and come back. 

Host: You’ve got a lot of good work to do. 

Guest: But I do believe that - I think that it was just a way to protect myself, that I stayed asleep in the whole incident. And like, even in the coma, I don't, I even with pain, like, I don't remember feeling pain. I'm sure I was like giving a lot of medication, but I think I feel more pain now than I [did] then. And I think that pain is a welcoming burden because I know how it feels to not feel anything. So, pain is welcoming. Oh dang, I wish I had my phone, I texted someone the other day. I said I've learned to welcome pain because I know how it feels to not feel anything at all. And so, pain is a welcoming burden because it makes me realize that that part is coming back or it's alive. I can feel whatever.

Host: You're talking about it because you were paralyzed from T7 down. 

Guest: So, I couldn't feel my hips, my stomach, my legs, my feet. I was totally paralyzed. I felt like I felt the muscles but nothing moved. That's ASIA Bm then there's C, D, and E. Usually people don't make it to E but I did.

Host: That's the classification of spinal cord injuries, correct? 

Guest: So B means that you can somewhat have a sensation of feeling but not move and you don't really have sensation when people touch you feeling you just feel inside of you, I guess. C is when you have a little bit of like sensation and movement but you can't walk or do anything productive. D is you can and you know be ambulatory with a device. And by ambulatory they mean like hobble like you don't have to really walk anything as long as you're moving an inch forward is considered walking. That's what I've learned. So to be my class level walking is really rare because most people don't come out of it like that and I get that. So that's the and then E is that all injured areas came back five out of five and strength sensation and range of motion which I am. And I believe Dr.Rosenblum said I'm like one of the first that he's like go that way. So, for him to be in the game as long as I've been boring and to say that was pretty cool because I was so focused on the ASIA skill and they all kept saying don't focus on that. But I think in my mind first off mentality was the reason why I made it out of this and walking with God. So, in my darkest moments, I didn't have visitors, there was during Covid, there was no one around. And so, in my darkest moments, all I had was me and my faith, which really taught me to rely on myself and my faith because you know, you can't control people and where they are, but you can control how you respond and you can control how you, you know, internalize it and then, it was just a matter of like, it was just, it was a lot of things combined that I think got me to where I was. But the mindset really made a difference because if you can believe it, you can achieve it. But the minute you say I'm done, and I feel that's it, you're over. [It’s] like you, you preset it. Like everyone makes fun of me, right? Because of this tree, they cut the tree down where we hit, so now I have the stump at the end of my main road that reminds me every day what happened. And so, I've been taking pictures so you can see it decay and I told people when that tree is gone, I'll be all better. And I wanted to contact the city to cut it myself. So, this last month actually in September, which is really a milestone for me because my mom passed away in September, so it's a month for me, but in September they not only cut the tree down, but they planted a new one! So, I'm going to take a picture of the new one because I always say like I'm, you know, I'm [going] write a book one day, like God's phoenix arising or something because of my situation. But I've always made an acronym for the tree dying reflected me, rebirthing and growing. So, the fact that there's a new tree there and I can stand walk, run and jump. Even though I'm not at the point where I can work full time yet, my goal was to be there within five years, and I'll make it there before that, I know that because of how I'm pacing, and that's pretty awesome because I'm not supposed to return to work ever. So, I think that that's cool, but when I passed the tree, now I see this little tiny tree and I think, wow, like it really came for circle and manifestation really works because I've been talking about this tree getting put down. And then the city just does it and then puts a new one there because I'm talking about rebirth and you know growing from a situation and letting it be the best of me. 

A lot of people think that I should have anger and resentment, but I don't think healing can happen where hate happens because the Bible says, you know that God can't dwell on what the devil does. It also says thou hast not because thou asked not. I believe that forgiveness is for me and not them and in order to heal, I can't hate, So I had to pick one. So, I picked healing of course, because hating you doesn't help me at all. And everything I've asked for I've received because I believed it was coming and I just made it happen because I believed it. Like, I truly believe that's how I got better.

Host: Now, whatever you're saying is that does not come easy. You know, it doesn't come easy to our listeners, like the people, the person who got in that car and did that to you, I know you don't want like specifically talk about them, but what did that have to do with the people you surrounded yourself with then and then the people who stuck by you and you are surrounding yourself with now, has that changed? Is that you have a different perspective? 

Guest: I mean, I dated the person who crashed the car, so it definitely affects me now dating because you look at a perspective of an emergency situation, you know, how do you stack up, and not only that, but I was broken up with the person at the time and they obviously wanted to make up and felt entitled to still do as they please, but in reality, I think that it's important to know the people you surround yourself with and to realize that you have to prioritize yourself while still caring for others. I was always someone who took care of everyone around me, but no one took care of me. Not that they didn't want to, I just didn't allow it. I was very independent and very headstrong. My mother raised me to be the head of the family because I was the oldest born and even though she adopted older than me, that's not what was happening when she was raising me. So she raised me the way she did, and so I was just very headstrong, you know, like I said, I worked three jobs, I volunteered at two different places. I was just very involved in everything and everyone and not myself, I joke all the time and said God had to make me hit a tree to slow me down and people laugh like that and they're like, you can't be and I'm very serious. The only way he was going to stop me at that point was to stop me physically. Because I was so involved and everyone else and everything else. I wasn't even working towards what I wanted to do. I wanted to motivational speak to people and I wanted to have my own nonprofit I wanted to go back to school and everything I wanted to do kept being put off because other people had more predominant needs. But in reality, that's not what it was, it was just my character. And so this situation taught me a lot about having that character, but also providing that person to myself, like how I am to everyone else to care for myself that way. And the situation taught me that the only person there is going to be God. I have support. They are not the same. Because a lot of people showed me their true colors, A lot of people can't handle it when they know that you're a strong independent person and now you're knocked down, and in a wheelchair. And how do I look at you? You know, I had a lot of people who I don't think could handle the idea of who I was being, the person that I have to be now because I'm in this situation and you know, it's easy to say, I'll be there when stuff gets real. But now imagine the strongest person, you know, in your life being crippled, can you look at them in the face? Can you act normal? Can you not let your emotions show? Like people had to work with that it wasn't just, it was me that went through it, but other people had to deal with the consequences of what I was going through because they had to learn how to deal with the new me too. It wasn't just me learning it and now they have to learn it too. 

And a lot of people didn't want to do the work, and that's okay. I'm not resentful at all.  It takes a lot of work to meet someone where they're at when this is going on. And I think that what people don't realize is like for me, I was set on walking because I had to be strong, right? So, I didn't want to go home in a wheelchair. I didn't want to go home using a device. I [didn’t] want to go home needing someone to help me in the bathroom. And what people don't realize is you take that for granted. Like you get up every morning, you complain, you got to go to work, you know, you complain about the traffic that you're sitting in. You know, you complain because the shower is not hot enough or whatever the case may be. But the fact is you get to sit in the shower by yourself and you get to dilate the water and you know, I remember having showers where they wouldn't make the water hotter because you can't feel, they say, well my upper body feels and it's cold like, you know, but they don't, they have to be within their guidelines and their safety when people are caring for you, it's not the way you care for yourself. It is a humbling experience when you go through it. 

And I think it's important that you know, there's that saying, well, when your friend jumps off the bridge, are you going to follow them? And people don't even realize that you set yourself up to follow them, You, say no, but you're already on the bridge. So, you don't realize subconsciously you've put yourself there to jump, you've already put yourself on the bridge if we're asking that question, you're already next to them. So, you have to think about what made me so trustworthy of that person or of my actions subconsciously that I didn't think about, wait, why am I going on the bridge? What are we doing here? And, so I think it's important for people to sit back and evaluate and perspective, I can't stress enough that is a big thing because the perspective I have then, and I have now [is] two totally different things. I would have been angry three years ago, five years ago. I'm not angry, though. A lot of people don't understand the grace or mercy I have towards people, but at the end of the day, who am I? I'm a sinner, just like you, I'm not perfect. I've done things that I'm pretty sure God isn't okay with and you know, I'm not going to judge people, it's not my job. My job is to help people to realize their potential to realize their choices and to help them get where they want to go. My job isn't to judge you. That's what God does. 

So, I pray that the person who did this leaves jail because they're in jail, and they're not just in jail for me. They've done other things that got them caught up, but my case helped keep them there. They're in jail. I'm pretty sure they were intoxicated when this happened. They swear they weren't, I'm pretty sure they were, you don't just have an accident like this because you know, I had a rough morning. So, you were intoxicated and that's what it is. Um, but you know, I really sit here and I think about, when you care for people, you don't reflect, you don't think about perspective. So, I, you know, I could easily care for that person, but as a case manager, I should have reflected a long time ago and seen red flags that maybe I didn't see or whatever the case may be or as a case manager, you know, I thinking, well I just want to be the fixer. I want to fix things. Well, sometimes things aren't for you to fix. Some trials are meant for people to do and go through, including the ones I've been through, I can ask why me, but what's the point? You know, I'm not going to get an answer. It's not going do me any good or I could say that this is everything I got from it. And so I really pray that that person leaves jail and they come home, and they rehabilitate, and they do well, and they learn, and they find God, and they do whatever they need to do to get better. And if they come out of jail and they turn their life around and they become a productive citizen, then guess what? It wasn't in vain. It's still not in vain. Even if they don't do that because of all the good I'm going do with my story like a situation like this podcast. But in reality, it would be even sweeter if both the victim and the person who made the poor choice get the vindication of something successful coming out of something terrible.

Host: Another chance at life. Yeah, it sounds like, you know, this whole time, you've had a lot of healing as well. 

Guest: I have!

Host: And can you tell us how long it has been since your accident and what you've gone through during that time? 

Guest: My accident was on April 30th. My surgery was on May 6th, 2020. The beginning of Covid. I went through 10.5 months of isolation at Gaylord. I lost a few people along the way in the meaning of they just disappeared or withdrew because they couldn't handle the situation. I lost my mother in 2017, and I didn't have like a test of faith or anything, but I was kind of upset about it cause like I didn't do anything yet that I was supposed to do with my mom like get married or have kids. I mean I was a foster parent. So, she saw me as a mother, but you know what I mean. I was really upset about that when the accident happened. It gave me clarity because I really feel like she was up there coordinating my healing and my help and if, you know, she hadn't passed away then who would be the one coordinating everyone? Cause she was part of the glue between her and my grandmother. Maybe that's why I heard them. But I, I also feel like when I came here I had a mindset of like, let's go. And I think at first everyone was kind of hesitant, like, girl, you don't know what you're doing, you don't know what you're in for. Like we can't do this. And I'm like, put me on that bike that moves my legs because muscle memory and they're like, that's not how spinal cords work and I'm like, yeah, but they work the muscles. So if the muscles wake up, they'll wake up and I mean I'm not saying I'm right scientifically, but technically it worked. So I'm just saying.

Host: You were definitely directing your care throughout your whole rehab. Ten months inpatient. Yeah, that's a significant amount of time in a facility. And you went home after?

Guest: Yeah, by day 35, I was stepping with weight off day 78. I walked my 100 ft with a walker. I want to say 4.5 months, and I was introduced to the crutches. That was -that was a feat. It took them another three months, I think, maybe four, to let me walk with them without anyone. Like in the hallways and stuff. It was really hard getting rid of my chair. I couldn't get rid of it because no one wanted me out of it. And then, when I finally got out of it, it was hard because I have to build the endurance to do all the stuff I want to do because I never sat still here. I did a lot of my own therapy in my room. Some of it was directed and helped, in others, I probably did it and asked for forgiveness later. Like, oh, I did this, and oh, you shouldn't have. Well, I did it, sorry. So, I had a lot of those moments.

Host: You were quite a treat as a patient!

Guest: I was a handful and I think that it was important. I want to say that something that stuck with me here is my mother used to raise me, like nothing was like ever, like good enough 'cause I'm the oldest. So, you’ve got to be always going after things. So, it's not that she didn't like acknowledge anything. It's just like, okay, that's great. Now, what's next? Right? I was built with this attitude of like, okay, you graduated high school six months early, but you got to get a degree. You can't go to college. It takes too long. You have a vocational school. So I went to vocational school and then it was like, okay, you're seeing it. But now you have to get management because that's not enough. Like my mom always pushed me. 

Host: You did the same thing in rehab. 

Guest: And so, in rehab, I did the same thing. And I remember, I'm not sure if it was you or Tim, but we, I think it was both of you. We had a conversation one day where it's like, you know, I would like to see you happy once in a while and celebrate your success because, as a therapist, it makes me feel like, you know, I'm not, I mean we're not doing anything for you if, if you're not happy at what's happening, like, you know.

Host: Well, you would take one step, and you'd want to, and you take two steps, and you'd want five, and then you go 10 ft, and you wanted 20. So, like every time you did something, there was always a push to get to the next level, and that is why you're walking today, Meg. That's a tribute to your personality. 

Guest: Absolutely. But that conversation really made me realize that you need to take time to reflect and like pat yourself on the back for what you do. I think that that's a reason why a lot of people get caught up in recovery or in life, in general, is because you know, we tend to add up all, you know, everyone says you can do 100 good deeds, but they only remember the one mistake. And that's true, and so we do that to ourselves. It's like, yeah, well, you could have [done] this, but you did that, and you should have [done] this, but you know, could have [done] that. And so, for me, it was like okay, yeah, I'm standing, but I need to walk, and I'm walking, but I need to do without a device, but I need my balance together, and I still to this day I am that hard on myself. But that conversation made me realize that it's okay to take a moment to reflect and be thankful or be happy or, you know, not just be grateful or show gratitude to God, but pat yourself on the back and be grateful just to embrace what you already have achieved and have. Because you know, you have to stay humble and not, you know, you don't want your passion to turn into greed. So, you want to be able to acknowledge what you're gaining, or it's not worth gaining at some point, you know. And if you're doing it for yourself, you should acknowledge it for yourself. Like it shouldn't be well, I need to do… 

And I think that's what, like, you know, I was told I wouldn't walk in the hospital and I'll never forget the nurse saying, well, I'm glad you have faith because you're [going] need it. It's [going] be a long road. And I'm like, yeah, I know. And like, I don't think she meant it in the way I took it, but I took it very, like, wow. Like, you know, they really don't. And I remember calling my bishop like they really don't think I could walk. And I remember calling my bishop, and I'll never forget that. I said this. I said, you know, bishop, I don't mind worshiping from a wheelchair because my aunt was a spinal cord injury. She lived a full life. She was a severed spinal cord injury and lived a full life in a wheelchair. I have a handicapped van at home right now that I could take the driver's seat out of, and someone could go, and there's a ramp, and they can drive in, lock in and drive. 

So, I knew life was possible in a wheelchair. And so, I think I was upset because it was like, you know, you don't know like the hardware hasn't even set in yet. How do you know what I can do? And who are you like that's not your choice. Medicine is here to help us. God gave us all these tools. But at the end of the day, it's really up to God and yourself.  And I do believe, you know, the Bible talks about healing powers that we have. I believe that mind and manifestation matter, and so you can heal yourself. Like when you, when you speak it into existence, when you believe it internally, it really works. And obviously, I'm living proof. I mean, you know, some people I talk about energy and stuff, and I don't want to talk to you because you're messing up my energy or my vibe, and they didn't understand that. Or are you practicing witchcraft? No, we didn't call it witchcraft when God gave Moses the staff that parted the Red Sea or turned into a snake, like, I just believe that the energy around me matters and the energy I give off and I keep in matters. 

And so, you know when I was here that that reflection or that need to reflect really mattered because I had to in the hard times, I had to be able to say yeah, but look at all that you've done. Because when you get set back, you think about the setback. You're not thinking about, well, even setbacks I'm still further than they said I would be, and that was important to know or to grasp. So, it was something that I learned here to bring with me home because, you know, I’m my hardest critic, but people are critical of me. And so being able to realize that that reflection is important was something that I really had to grasp. 

So, I remember when I was going through this with the nurse, and I was so disappointed. You know, I called him a bishop, and I said, you know, I could raise it from a wheelchair, but I just want them to know that if he wants me to walk, I'm going to walk. Like, who are they? Like I could walk. They don't know. And I really, I swear to God, I believe because of that statement, God was like, girl we're going to show him. But I think that it was important that I was just grateful. Like I could have woken up brain-dead, as they said. I could have. I could have woken up worse than I was. I could have started at A instead of being with the ASIA skill. Like there were, it could have always been worse. I was educated a little bit about spinal cord injuries because my family has some issues. So, I knew that the possibility was there for some type of recovery, and I knew that regardless you can, you can have a full life sitting down if that's what you wanted to do. I just knew that for me, I was way too active for that to be the case. And I knew like I did my research and my studying, and you know, your first 90 days is the trauma phase, and then you have a year of like your plasticity being double, which is like the fluid in your spinal cord that like heals you. That's the only way I can explain it. And, and so, you know, I'm going through all of this research and understanding, and it's like, okay, so for me, everything was like, we [got to] get it done in a year, or we got to get it done in 90 days and, and they're like, you're not even supposed to move for 90 days, like relax. 

And so. I think it was just important to really stay focused on what I saw and what I wanted for myself because, like when I came here, everyone was open-minded every time I say, well, why doesn't this? I was very curious and asked 100 questions, and you and Tim were very careful to say, we don't know yet, or we can't tell yet, or we got to wait and see, or I don't know, or your situation is very unique and different. And so, you know, you didn't give me a straight answer. So that open-mindedness also helped me be able to explore the possibilities. Whereas in the hospital, they were just like shut, closed case, you're done. 

And I think knowing your rights in a situation is important. Like you have the right to deny medal care medical care of any kind. So, when they want to put you in a convalescent home, you can say no. When they want to put you in a group home, you can say no when they want to send you home without homemakers, you could say no. Like you can advocate for yourself. And it's important to know that if I didn't like you said, be proactive in my recovery, I wouldn't be here.

I would not have [gotten]10 months at Gaylord. I would have got Money Follows the Person, what you can get after being hospitalized or inpatient in any facility. So when you switch facilities, that still counts like, you know nobody, and if I wasn't a case manager and no one told me this when I got here. Like it's important to know your rights and to ask questions and to find out what you can do because coordinating your care is important and you know, you might get someone who's passionate about their job, but no one's [going] be more passionate about your care, but you. And it's important to be involved. It's important not to check out. 

I remember when I wrote a paper for my English class, I said, you know, I remember going into the gym the first few days. It was so sad, everyone looked defeated, like they already accepted their fate, and I remember looking around in the room thinking I will not, I refuse to let this be the reason that I'm held back from what I want. So, I tried to do everything they said I couldn't do because I'm stubborn. and if you tell me what I can't do, I'm [going] do it anyway. 

Host: And now you're out there influencing our youth. You did your first presentation for thing first last week and what like what are your messages to the kids? How can you help them make better decisions so that they don't end up in a situation similar to yours? 

Guest: My favorite model is impossible, it is only the task at hand to think - I'm possible. You're just reading it wrong if you write impossible and impossible. The only difference is space, so be aware of it. I find that to be something that really motivated me through my recovery, choices, you can't control what everyone else does, but you can't control how you respond. And there is no mistake, there are poor choices, and there are good choices, and there are lessons and blessings. So, depending on how you decide to, you know, taking what you're going through is how it's going to affect you. So, it could be a lesson, you might not learn the lesson the first time, so it's going to come around a few times. So, it's just paying attention, or it could be a blessing. And like a lot of people say, well, the accident was a lesson. No, it was a blessing because it showed me a lot of things, it gave me a lot of insight for myself, [and] for others. It gave me a lot of ability to be able to get my messages across.

Like I've always felt this way, but I never, I never had something that could be related to people or everyone like, like, you know, I have a history, I could talk about before my accident. But maybe only the urban crowd or the younger crowd can relate or, but now this situation, my older clients and my older people and, and people who don't relate to the other lifestyle I've lived can relate to this one. So, it just gives me a broader platform to be able to reach people, and so I let people know, I let the kids know that it's important to be tuned in with that. Like, being tuned in with what you can learn from others and also being aware of like the other choices that they're making and that you don't have to make those same choices. 

Like, I didn't choose to be in this accident. I mean, I was a passenger asleep, but I chose everything after that. I chose whether I got up every day and tried, I chose whether I put my best foot forward, or did I just do the bare minimum. I chose whether to embrace the pain or look at it as a burden. And again, it's perspective, you can see the cup half empty or half full, and so I think it's important for them to know this and, like, you know, your friend, you know, your best friend, you'll get in trouble with right now. But would they come to see you in the hospital? You know, I had 20 [friends].  

I remember one of the presentations to the kids, I said when I got here, I had over 20 friends. Ten and a half months, I was in Gaylord, asked me who visited me. Ask me how many people stopped calling. Phone calls are free, you know. So, remember that when you go out with your friend to do something that's probably stupid, and you probably know you shouldn't do it, or remember that when you want to make a choice, that's maybe an explosive choice instead of a reactive choice. A reactive choice takes a chance for you to reflect and have a perception of both sides of the coin. And I think it's important that you know, they know that anything is possible, [but] you have to put your mind to it. And there's this saying that Einstein says - imagination is the preview to life's coming attractions. I love that saying because it's true and relates to faith, right? What is faith? It's the absence of things not seen, and so people aren't going to understand my faith and my way of healing because they can't see it. It's not something you can pick up and physically read. There's no manual. The same thing with faith - in what you believe, what you see in your imagination, there's no manual, there's no, you know, blueprint to your imagination where people can look at it and say, I understand. There are going to be a lot of things people say you can't do that - are you crazy? You know how many people said I couldn't run, well I run, I couldn't jump, well I jump, I can't lift, well I lift.

Host: Did you play in the snow yet? 

Guest: Yeah, I did, with my dog.

Host: That was one of your biggest goals, right? 

Guest: And you know, every time I do something, you know, there are times where, you know, I even think about, like, the therapist or I think about the times that I had here, like, wow, like, like just this morning, I was walking my dog, I walked down three steps with him in my leash with no holding, no railing. Like, wow, I worked for this. Like this was the goal, right?

Host: You appreciate every little thing.

Guest: Being able to, you know, clean or being able to do something being able to lift the 50-pound dog bag into the carriage, that you know, I wasn't supposed to be able to do that. Can I do it every day yet? No, but the fact of the matter is those days are becoming more, and the days of “can’t” are coming less. And can't mean won't, so my body won't work sometimes, and that's okay. But those days can be lessened by my actions again choices to better myself and my health and to get there. 

I joke with the kids. I said you know, learning to walk was easier the first time when you were closer to the ground, and less inhibited. But I appreciate it more this time because I understand the work and you know, there are times when I'm walking, I have sandals on today. I would never have thought that, or I walked barefoot. I've taken my shoes off to share with the kids, and I made a dance a whole 7 and 8 counts and taught it, and there's a move, I wish they could see me, where you cross your arms, or you cross your legs, and you're in a T, and you turn and you spin. I taught that! I mean, I had to time it right on a better day. But the fact of the matter is that I choreographed and taught a dance that I should never have been able to do, but never say never.

So, I want the kids to understand that what you want to be and what you see, people aren't going agree with all the time, and that's what makes it even more, you need to go get it. That's what makes it more, you need to go after it because they don't think it can be done, and you see it like that's what God put in your mind for you. So, it's not meant for anyone to understand. And I think that if we don't go after our dreams, then we're just living to survive, um, without risk, there's no reward. There are positive risks and negative risks. Make sure the risk you take is positive because then you get better outcomes. Um, and, and you know, I'm sure there are many more things that I could, you know, come up with and think of, and I'm sure as I talk to the kids, I'll have more and be more organized. But I just, I really feel like it's important for them to understand that their choices matter and they do have a choice. You know there's not going to always be an adult around or that the situation isn't always going to be the standard one and you're going have to improvise and to go with your gut. Because your gut's usually right. 

Host: Well, Meagan, you will have a profound impact on so many people, students, and adults, and you're going to take your story into very far places, I'm sure.  I was just blessed to be in your presence and be part of that journey while you were here. It was really inspirational.

Guest: I think that everything happens for a reason. So, I hit the tree at the right time, and I had the right counselors, right Tim picked me, or you picked me, and it could have [gone] any other way, you know, I was a sassy person, I could have got someone who was not able to keep up. I mean some therapists are, to this day, still worried about what I'm capable of doing here because they're like, girl, you do too much. I can't, and that's why I only see certain ones or only work with someone because listen, girl, we’ve got to break out of the box or come on, guy. So, you know, I think that what's important. when I got a scholarship called the Lemonade Grant you had to write about something that happened to you when life gave you lemons, you make lemonade. And I thought this was so me, right? I remember writing in my letter more about the community around me, and it was the people I didn't expect, you know, even on days still like my mother's anniversary, I came here. I was here because this is where I feel the support and the love, and this is where I can be vulnerable. I can't be vulnerable out there, so I had to walk out of here because being vulnerable in the world was never an option for me. But it matters. Your team matters. 

So, you know, sometimes people are in your life for a season, so you have to remove them because their season's over. You know life is like a tree. You have some roots, and very few people are roots. Those are the people you hold on to. Then you have leaves. They come and go, and the season is quick. They're only there for one reason to teach you something or to bring something to your perspective and knowledge, and that's it. And then you have branches, which you have to watch out for because they seem reliable. I had a lot of branches, they seemed reliable, like they were there for me, but they broke. They didn't uphold, and they couldn't withstand the weather, and they broke, and they left me. But the roots, the roots don't go anywhere. No matter how cold the storm or how bad the season is, they keep the tree alive. So, I think it's important to really nurture your roots because those are the things that keep you going during the storm.

Host: I bet, Meagan. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I am excited to have you on my crew now and working with you from a different perspective. 

Guest: It makes a dream come true because I always wanted to take my story or even, you know, my past living and be able to use them and speak. I've always wanted to be a speaker. So, the fact that I can do that now…

Host: Well, this is definitely going to be used in a big way, in a national way. The Think First National Association also promotes this podcast too. So, you've made it big.

Guest: As long as someone takes a positive note from it and knows that the thing they were told can't happen, can then it's worth doing.  

Host: Well, thank you, everyone, for listening to this podcast with our featured presenter, Miss Meg Ricci. We hope to see you for our next one. See you all soon!